


I'm Not A Kid Anymore

by CyanDragonfly



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alcohol, Bribery, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Making Out, Manipulation, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Obsession, Stalking, Teacher-Student Relationship, University, minor trans character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-04-23 15:07:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19153477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CyanDragonfly/pseuds/CyanDragonfly
Summary: Ryan Westbrook had rejected his favourite student's declaration of love in high school, but how will he react when that same obsessed student earns a place in his university class years later?The boy's unbridled love hadn't burned out at all, in fact it had only grown stronger, and more dangerous.This time it was going to be harder to shake him off.He wasn't a kid any more.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So thanks for clicking and reading! Just a few notes before you begin:  
> .I don't really have an update schedule, but it will definitely be frequent!  
> .I'll be updating the tags with each chapter so please keep checking them! I'll tag anything that may be considered as a trigger to some people, some if you are easily triggered by certain dark topics then please do check the tags each time because this story does focus on some unpleasant topics from time to time.  
> .I've uploaded this story before as a fanfiction. Just thought I'd mention that so if anybody happens to run into both on this website they know that I'm not stealing work! My fanfiction is on a different account however. 
> 
> So thanks and I hope you enjoy <3

Today was the day.

After all the long years of admiring and fantasising, today was finally the day that he was going to confess his love.

If he had to wait another day, spend another night alone in his bedroom wondering how his love would react to his declaration, he thought that he might just explode.

All those sleepless nights that he spent agonising over his smile, his body, his scent, they would finally come to an end. Cai was sure that his feelings were reciprocated, they had to be. He was the only one that Ryan made eye contact with, the only one that he praised. The two were meant to be together, Cai just knew it!

Cai couldn’t stop thinking about him: Ryan Westbrook, the most perfect man on the planet. There was nothing about him that Cai didn’t adore. He was short, must’ve only been around five foot three or so, but what he lacked in height he made up for in attitude. He was strict, unforgiving, and there wasn’t a student in the class that didn’t fear him at least a little bit. To Cai, that was utterly thrilling. A man that didn’t need to rely on his physical stature to command respect, to intimidate. His hair was textured and blonde, not quite straight, not quite curly, with a wicked undercut too! The guy even had a nose ring, and an eyebrow piercing! 

To Cai, Ryan was the coolest, smartest, sexiest person in the whole world. His classmates didn’t seem to agree, but what did they know? They were just stupid kids.

“Cai!”

“Huh?” A loud voice startled him out of his daydream, and he zapped back into reality to find a pair of glistening blue eyes gazing at him in concern.

“Cai, you were daydreaming again! Were you even listening to me? We’re going to be late for class!”

“B-Ben... sorry!” Cai dizzied the image of Ryan’s stern face out of his mind, feeling the prickling heat of a faint blush spreading across his cheeks.

“C’mon, we don’t want to be late today, it’s Mr. Westbrook’s last day. I really don't want to make him angry!” Benjamin shook long strands of blonde hair from his flustered face as he spoke. Cai grinned, his friend was usually so calm and collected. He guessed that the threat of a punishment from Mr. Westbrook was enough to worry almost any student, but not Cai.

“Yeah,” Cai said, trying his best to mask the smile that tugged at the side of his pursed lips. “And by the way, Ben. Don’t wait for me after class today. There’s something that I need to talk to Mr. Westbrook about.”

Cai and Benjamin took their seats at the front of the class, as they always did, and despite their rush to get there, they weren’t the last ones to arrive. In fact, for the first time, even Mr. Westbrook was a little late himself. Cai heard the door shut, and his familiar footsteps pacing across the wooden floor. A shiver ran up his spine.

“Ok class, quiet now.”

The students were silenced immediately, and Cai could feel his body tense up at the sound of the teacher’s stern voice. It sounded as cold and emotionless as always, and Cai loved it.

“So I’ve graded your essays,” The sound of rustling paper echoed through the stale air as Mr. Westbrook began to place the marked assignments down on student’s desks. “And I’ll be honest, overall it was disappointing.”

The class grumbled and moaned in unison, staring down at their averagely marked papers in dismay as their teacher placed them on their desks, not giving them a second of eye contact, a moment of acknowledgement. Cai could hear the footsteps growing closer, the sound of the rustling getting louder, until he could smell Ryan’s cologne right by his side. The hypnotising scent hit his nostrils, and he could feel his breathing deepening as he desperately tried to fill himself up with as much of it as he possibly could. He gazed up at the man in awe as he placed the paper down on his desk.

“Except you, Mordecai.” Mr. Westbrook glanced down at Cai, meeting dazzling, brown eyes with his blank stare. “Good job, once again.”

The boy was practically beaming. Ryan looked right at him, again! He praised him, again!

His eyes followed his teacher’s movements as he made his way up to the whiteboard at the front of the class. He was wearing that white shirt again, the one that clung to his slender frame, the one that you could see the contours of his muscular back through. It was fate that he was wearing that shirt today, on the day that Cai would confess his love. Not only that, but his pinstriped, black trousers. The ones that made his ass look amazing, so perky and round and... oh fuck. Cai bit his lip, drawing in a deep, shaky breath. He needed to calm himself. He didn’t think that he could handle another awkward boner under his desk again.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. He silently cursed to himself. It was too late.

This class was going to be torture, once again. At least this time, he would get his happy ending.

 

   
An hour passed by agonisingly slowly, and Cai’s usual fantasising was interrupted by the shrill ringing of the school bell. Class was finally over. He gulped in anticipation. Now was the time. It was now or never.

“Ok class before you go...” Mr. Westbrook called out to the class, the students halted their bag packing and gave him their full attention. Cai gazed at him longingly. He couldn’t quite stop his eyes from drifting down the man’s perfect frame.

“So as most of you know, I’ll be leaving for my new job at Storsettcaste University tomorrow. So this was your last lesson with me.”

Cai could hear his annoying classmate Johnny sniggering in the background. He tore his eyes away from Ryan to burn daggers into his stupid, smug face.

“I just wanted to say thanks for a decent year, and goodbye.”

The class stayed silent, staring at him like deer in headlights. Ryan rolled his eyes, and Cai pinched his thigh under the table. He couldn’t let himself get turned on again, he’d only just managed to calm himself down! But damn, he loved it when Ryan rolled his eyes like that.

“You can go now.”

With that final confirmation, the students scattered. All except Cai. The room emptied one by one until it was just the two of them left.

As the students drained from the classroom, the noise drained away with them. Soon enough the only sound in the room was Cai’s audible heartbeat, his heavy breathing. He had prepared himself for this moment for so long, but he had no idea that he would feel this nervous when it finally came around. 

Ryan tore his eyes away from his desk, locking them with Cai’s as he gazed over at him in annoyance. 

“Umm... can I help you with something?” Ryan raised an eyebrow as he stared at the one remaining student stood behind his desk. He’d thought that the students would be dying to leave, this class was last thing on a Friday evening. Why was Mordecai still here?

“Mr... Mr. Westbrook... I...”

Shit. He was lost for words, and now Ryan was staring at him in utter confusion. Crap! He hadn’t thought this far ahead. 

All of a sudden his hands began to shake. He took a deep breath, reminding himself that this was fate, he could do this.

“Mordecai?”

“Sir I... you’re leaving today and so I need to tell you something. Something important.”

Ryan’s expression softened, and all of a sudden he looked a little worried. “Well go on then, Cai.”

The teacher stood with his arms folded across his chest, his head tilted to the side, letting soft, blonde hair fall over his forehead. His stern expression softened further as the boy began to pace toward him, closing the gap between them at an alarming rate. Ryan took a step backwards, his shoes squeaking against the floor, and before he knew it Cai was right in front of him. Their eyes met and Ryan scowled to himself. How was this brat so damn tall already!?

“Ryan!”

“Since when were students allowed to call me Ryan?” The man sounded more confused than annoyed at the sudden usage of his first name.

“I’m in love with you. I love you and I want you to know that before you leave.” The confession came out as more of a shout than Cai had expected, but he had finally said it. There was no going back now. Now he just needed to wait for the smile on Ryan’s face, the glint in his eyes as tears of joy began to form! The moment of pure bliss was only seconds away, Cai could almost taste it.

“In love?...”

“Yes, sir.”

Ryan wasn’t sure what expression he was pulling , but he could feel his jaw drop, and his heart began to pound like a drum.

“Mordecai, you do know that I’m twenty five, don’t you?” Ryan’s teeth bit at the hard metal of his lip piercing, pulling it inwards as he tried his best to process what he had just been told. Surely he was just hearing things, right? Surely this kid hadn’t just said...

“Yes, sir. I don’t care about that. It doesn’t stop me from loving you.” Cai could feel the passion burning in his heart as he spoke, but he couldn’t understand why Ryan was looking at him with such a horrified expression on his face.

“You... you don’t know what you’re saying.” Ryan protested, taking another step backwards, away from the boy’s intense gaze. Was this kid crazy? Or was Ryan finally losing his damn mind after all the years of hard work?

“Of course I know, I’ve known for a long time. We’re meant to be together.” Ryan searched his student’s face for any sign of deception, any sign of humour or uncertainty, but to his dismay he found none. The boy was staring right into his soul with those golden brown eyes. 

“Wha....?” This couldn’t be happening, right? Was this some kind of joke? Perhaps one of the other kids had dared him to say this as some kind of prank since he was leaving, but Ryan knew Mordecai Rin, and that sort of behaviour wasn’t like him. He was an obedient student, and a kind soul.

“Sir I...” Cai reached a hand out to grasp his teacher’s palm, but Mr. Westbrook snatched it away immediately.

“Mordecai! This is highly inappropriate, I’m your teacher!”

Cai’s lips twisted upward, and Ryan felt a chill shoot down his spine. “Not any more.”

Ryan’s expression faltered a little, and all of a sudden it was difficult to look at the boy in front of him. “Well yes... but you’re way too young to be having these feelings towards an adult.”

“I’m not too young!” Cai protested. “I’m fifteen now!” There was an element of desperation in his tone that shook his teacher down to the core. It almost seemed a little too real for the situation at hand. Perhaps one of his students had developed a little crush on him, but a crush was just a crush, and a crush shouldn’t have warranted such a tone of utter dismay in his student’s voice.

Cai could feel bitter tears stinging at the corners of his eyes. This was not how this was supposed to happen! “I know you love me too! You look at me, but not the other students! You only praise me! You've even smiled at me before, you don’t smile at anyone! You...”

“That’s enough!” Ryan’s booming voice echoed through the classroom, and Cai stopped in his tracks. He gazed in anguish at his teacher’s blushing face. His eyes were narrowed, his brow furrowed, but he spoke calmly. “I’ll admit Cai, that I’ve played favourites with you in class, because you try harder than anyone else, but this is wrong. I don't love you, Mordecai. You need to get over this stupid crush and get on with your studies. I’m an adult, and you’re... you’re just a kid.”

All of a sudden Ryan was consumed by his own guilt. He did favour Mordecai over the other students, and he’d made no task of hiding it. The boy was so diligent in his work, he learned from his mistakes and he always listened. He had been a model student, unlike all the other whiney little brats who never shut the fuck up, so of course a man like Ryan who valued hard work and commitment over anything else was going to favour the kid. Who wouldn’t? But if he’d have known that it would elicit these kinds of feelings from Mordecai then he would never have...

“But I...” By this point Cai’s deep, brown eyes were growing red, his bottom lip quivering in distress. The sight made Ryan’s heart drop, but he had to be firm. It was for the boy’s own good.

“End of discussion, Mordecai.” Ryan snapped back, averting his gaze immediately back to his desk as if Cai had simply faded from existence. 

The tears that once stung the corners of Cai’s eyes were now rolling down his face. This couldn’t be happening! This was all wrong, not at all like the vision that he had in his head. He turned and ran, slamming the classroom door behind him as he left. He couldn’t let Ryan see him like this.

Cai burst into the bathrooms, throwing himself into a cubicle. His body shook violently as he tried to masks his sobs. This was all wrong! This wasn’t just some silly crush, they were meant to be together! Weren’t they? ...

There was no way that he could be wrong, he’d studied Ryan’s behaviour and reactions to him down to the last detail. He’d watched numerous videos online about body language, about romantic interactions, and he was absolutely sure that Ryan shared the same feelings that he did. All the times that Ryan would rest a delicate hand on his shoulder to congratulate him on a good essay grade, all the times he would smile with a sparkle in his eyes when he passed Cai in the corridor, did those times mean... nothing?

Slowly, but surely, the tears subsided. Cai began to gather his thoughts.

It couldn’t be true. Ryan had to love him, he was more sure of that fact than he was of anything else.

The door of the cubicle was thrown open, and Cai paced toward the mirror. His brown eyes were bloodshot, and with two hands grasped tightly onto the sink in front of him, he stared at himself in determination. 

Cai was gorgeous, and he knew it. 

Thick, dark hair fell almost over his piercing eyes, sculpting his handsome face. He was already taller than Ryan, stronger than him too. He’d even started working out when he realised that he was in love with Mr. Westbrook, making sure that he was at his physical best before he confessed. There was nothing about him that Ryan wouldn’t love! Right?

‘It can’t be me.’ He told himself. ‘It’s got to be something else...’

He never broke the firm gaze on his own eyes in the mirror as he thought. They were dark, but piercing. The irises were dotted with flecks of gold, merging the overall colour into a chocolate coated caramel. 

Why wouldn’t Ryan accept him? There was nothing wrong with him, nothing at all, so... why? 

In a hurried haze Cai played back the scene in his head. The horrified look on Ryan’s face, the harshness in his tone when he lied right to his face, told him that he was just a kid, and...

Wait a minute. 

Cai’s eyes widened as the realisation hit him like a punch to the gut. Just a kid... that was it! That had to be it! Ryan had explicitly mentioned his age, explicitly told him that he was ‘just a kid’ and ‘too young.’ Of course! Cai chuckled to himself softly. Why hadn’t he picked up in this before? Ryan had never said that he wasn’t attracted to Cai, no! In fact the only reason that he’d rejected his confession was because of the age difference between them. 

Cai was only fifteen, and Ryan was ten years his senior. 

‘Too young,’ he repeated back to himself out loud, over and over. ‘It’s not that he doesn’t love me, it’s just that it’s not the right time... that’s it!’

Cai’s eyes rose again to meet with their mirror selves, shooting a gaze toward the mirror that could’ve shattered the glass.

‘Too young am I? Just a kid? Well, we’ll see about that.’ Cai’s lips twisted into a wide smile.

‘I won’t give up on you, Ryan. I’ll study hard, and I’ll earn a place in your class at that damn university. I won’t be a kid forever, and I’ll never stop loving you.’ He hadn’t misinterpreted Ryan’s feelings, no. He’d simply jumped the gun a little. Ryan probably felt terrible about being attracted to someone so young! Right? That was all. That’s what he told himself.

‘We’ll laugh about this day when we’re finally together. No matter what you think Mr. Westbrook... you will love me.’

 

Five Years Later:

Another day, another dollar.

Another year, another class full of fresh, beaming faces.

Professor Westbrook wondered how long it would take for these ones to lose their eager smiles, how long it would take before the 9am lectures began to thin out, and the stress of the workload began to set in. Most of these poor kids had worked hard to get into a top class university like Storsettcaste, but they were never truly ready for just how much more difficult their studies would become from here on out. Over the years that Ryan had worked as a lecturer, he had seen student after student drop like flies out of his class. He’d had students complain about his strictness, his excessive workload, his unapproachability, but he didn’t care in the slightest.

He didn’t want students in his class that weren’t dedicated. For Ryan, it was either work hard, or get out.

   
Cai’s eyes had been glued to his watch for seventeen minutes and twenty four seconds now. His tall, muscular body was pressed against the lecture room door; just softly enough so that the door didn’t swing open. He wanted to be as close to that room as he possibly could be. The new student was sure that he could smell the sweetness through the miniature cracks in the door hinges. He knew exactly who was inside that room. He could practically taste him.

“Umm, excuse me.”

Cai gasped, turning his body to find the source of the oh-so-rude interruption. He was surprised when he had to lower his head to meet a glistening pair of bright blue eyes. For a moment he thought that Ben’s tales of going to study at King’s Whitby had been fabricated, and he was stood right here in front of him; but no, this one was definitely a girl.

“Is this professor Westbrook’s class for Linguistics?” The girl brushed strands of her shining blonde hair behind her ear, revealing porcelain skin, and cute round cheeks.

“Yeah, it is.” Cai replied to her with bitter venom in his tone, secretly annoyed at the girl for ripping him away from the delightful scent of the lecture room door.

“Oh, thank goodness!” The girl beamed up at him, the tension in her shoulders visibly dropping. “I’m so glad that I found the right room, although I suppose I am a little early. You too, huh?”

Cai rolled his eyes before turning back toward her. Ugh. Was this girl going to stop talking to him soon? Or was Cai going to be forced to endure her small talk until he could enter the classroom? She answered his question soon enough.

“I’m Amelia, it’s really nice to meet you!” Amelia. Cai said the name back to himself in his head. It was a nice name, he supposed.

“I’m Mordecai, but everyone just calls me Cai.” There was little excitement in his voice. Cai knew that he sounded cold, distant. Knowing that fact sent an electric shiver up his spine. He sounded like Ryan when he spoke that way, and knowing that fact only made the boy feel even closer to him.

Amelia lowered her head, and Cai noticed a faint, pink blush staining her cheeks. Oh fuck, what was she up to? Why the hell was she looking at him with puppy-dog eyes like that? Her voice was soft and sweet as she spoke: “Cai, may I please sit next to you during the lecture? I’m feeling a little nervous and I don’t want to sit alone.”

Good grief. He really was going to have to endure her for much longer, wasn’t he. He could feel the mild stages of panic setting in as he imagined Ryan noticing him sitting at the front of the class with a beautiful, young woman, and getting the wrong idea about the two of them. He quickly shook those ideas out of his mind. Ryan would know of his intentions soon enough. There was no need to worry. Plus, maybe it would be beneficial to have at least one friend in this class.

“Yeah of course Amelia, I’d love to sit with you!” He gave the girl his best false smile. Hmm, maybe that reaction had seemed a little too enthusiastic. Cai never had been good at gaging the appropriate level of emotional commitment in any social situation, but the declaration seemed to have worked, as Amelia’s face was practically glowing in response.

“Thank you so much, Cai!”

The next twenty minutes were filled with mindless small talk, as Amelia babbled on about her previous studies, her home life, her friends. All the while Cai was inching closer to that lecture room door, taking in deep, prolonged breaths, knowing that he was breathing the same air is his love. Not long now and the two would be in the same room once again. He would get to see those glorious, blue eyes, that gorgeous, slender body. He would get to hear Ryan’s sensual voice, and watch his delicate movements as he wrote on a whiteboard. The thought alone was close to sending him into a state of pure bliss, but every time he was almost in his happy place, he would hear the girl’s voice droning on in the background.

“So I’m studying French and Linguistics, I’ve always dreamed of teaching a language class in Paris, and...” Blah, blah, blah. Thank god she was taking French and not Spanish like Cai, he’d only been with her for a short while and he already needed a break. Plus that meant that as long as he didn't make any more friends, his weekly Spanish class would be a time for him to really connect with Ryan. After all, the only reason that Cai was interested in taking the Spanish module was because he knew that Ryan was the teacher.

The corridor began to fill with anxious, new faces. Almost all of the boys had their eyes fixed on Amelia, some of the girls too. Cai knew that she was appealing to look at, y’know, to the common masses. He didn’t care though. His mind was overpowered by the thoughts of Ryan waiting for him in the next room. It was almost time. Cai wasn’t even pretending to listen to Amelia any more as he glared at his watch, counting down the seconds until he could enter the room. His foot was tapping against the ground, his fingers curling. He could barely contain himself.  
 

 

Ryan stood up straight, sighing deeply as students began to flood into the room. He hated first year classes. He hated them with a passion. They were so annoying, so needy. Most of them only cared about getting drunk and partying, being out of their parent’s clutches for the first time. In his experience, most of them would wisen up in a year or two, but until then... Ugh.

“Ok class, be quiet now.” The students simmered down, gazing at him with their youthful, bright eyes, probably wondering why their new professor looked so damn tired.

“I’m going to keep the introduction brief. I’m Professor Westbrook, and I’m the main lecturer for this course, along with Professor Banks. You’ll meet him tomorrow.” Cai’s eyes trailed his body as he turned to write his name on the whiteboard. He was wearing the same kind of tight, white shirt that Cai loved him in back in high school, but the material of this one looked thicker, more expensive. It was no longer so see-through, and Cai huffed in disappointment. His perky ass was still tightly packed into his trousers however, and Cai could feel his sharp teeth grazing against the soft skin of his bottom lip as he took in the sight.

He was older now, not nearly as overpowered by the hormones of puberty as he once was, but looking at Ryan sparked something in him that made him feel like a horny fifteen year old all over again.

Cai’s heart was pounding wildly. It had been so long since he had been able to share the same space as Ryan so openly. Most of the time when he followed the man, he would have to hang back and wear a hood, praying not to be recognised. He would often frequent the same coffee shops as Ryan, watching in deep arousal as the man’s perfect lips wrapped themselves around the rim of a coffee cup. 

Goodness knows how many of those used cups he’d stolen over the years. But now he was openly sitting right at the front of the class, not a soul between the two. The time was finally right. He was older now, more handsome, more intelligent. He knew that he could make Ryan love him this time. It was all planned out. He just needed to play the game for a while.

“So I’m gonna jump right in,” the professor’s hand began working rhythmically with the marker against the board. The movements of his wrist flowed smoothly, and the students behind him began to gasp and murmur as his complex creation took form across the whiteboard. There were a few words, but most of the drawing was lines and letters, all connecting to make a complicated diagram that nobody in the class had ever seen before. Well... nobody except Cai.

“I see your blank stares,” he smirked, turning to face his dumbfounded students. Cai sunk his teeth into his curled index finger. That smirk, it was as if it had been torn straight from his fantasies and placed onto Ryan’s flawless face. “I don’t expect any of you to understand what I’ve just drawn yet, but by the end of the year, this will be second nature to you all.”

He sighed, “can anybody tell me what this is?”

The room was entirely silent, bar a few timid coughs and sniffles, but Cai’s hand shot up into the air as soon as the words had left Ryan’s lips. The professor turned to face the boy in the front row. His golden eyes glistened with a certain eagerness, and Ryan was sure that he looked vaguely familiar. He was well built, toned arms tight against his black t-shirt. His long, dark hair was tied up in a rugged, messy bun. 

Hmm, Ryan dismissed his earlier thought. There was no way that he knew this guy, he would’ve definitely remembered a guy that looked like ... that.

“Yeah, you in the front.”

Cai could feel butterflies battering his stomach, and his heart began to race. It had been years since Ryan had addressed him directly with that deep, sultry voice. It was time to impress him.

“That is a complex Syntax Tree, professor. ” Cai began. He could feel every set of eyes in the classroom drawn to him as he described each node, each tiny detail of the structure. In the corner of his eye, he could see Amelia’s mouth hanging open. Cai almost squealed when he saw Ryan raise an eyebrow in what he could only describe as surprise. 

'Oh Ryan, if you're surprised by this, just wait until you get to experience what I have in store for you over the next few months.'

“Well that’s a first.” A tiny grin tugged at the corner of the teacher’s lips, and his doting student melted into his seat. “That’s the level that I expect you all to be at by the end of the year, but it looks like you’re already there. Have you taken syntax classes before?”

“No Sir, I taught myself.” Cai admitted truthfully. If only Ryan knew how many sleepless nights he’d had over the years preparing for his arrival to Storsettcaste. He had always been told that he was of average intelligence, but he knew this entire course inside and out. He didn’t have time for studying any more, and that's why he'd learnt all of the required material before arriving. He was here for Ryan, nothing else.

“Hmm,” Ryan took another long, hard look at the boy before turning away. There was something familiar about him, but he just couldn’t quite put his finger on it. “Impressive.”

 

   
Class ended, and students fled the scene as hastily as they could. Ryan could swear that he saw steam coming out of a few of the student’s ears, the result of a totally fried brain. Those weaklings wouldn’t last a month in his class.

“Don’t wait up for me, ok?” He heard the familiar voice say to someone behind him. “I’ve got to speak to the professor about something important.” Ryan gave a quick glance to the side, and saw that the words were coming from that boy again. The one that knew all of the answers. The one that piqued his interest in a way that he couldn’t quite understand.

The room emptied entirely, until it was only the two of them left in stoney silence.

As he walked towards Ryan, the professor noticed the sway of his hips, the determined look on his face. Why was he looking at him like that? As he got closer, his height became more apparent too.

“Tch,” Ryan cursed himself under his breath. Why was this kid so damn tall?

“Mr. Westbrook,” Cai grinned, flashing his dazzling, white teeth at the older man confidently. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to speak to you like this.”

“Umm...” Ryan furrowed his brow at his student. “Have we met before?”

Cai was a little taken aback. Ryan really didn’t remember him? He was almost offended until he realised: it must be because of how different he looked now. He’d watched Ryan flicking through a men’s fashion catalogue once in his favourite coffee shop, carefully studying the way that his slim fingers turned the pages, and the way that his eyes wandered for slightly longer over the models with sleek, long hair. It was only appropriate for Cai to grow his hair out. He needed to appeal to his love’s tastes.

“You don’t remember me, huh?” Cai smirked, taking a step closer to Ryan. He really towered over him now. He looked so cute, so vulnerable, so submissive. Cai would just grab him and shove him against the wall with his damn tongue if he could... but no. That was not the way to earn Ryan’s affection. That sort of behaviour could wait.

“No.” Ryan was as blunt as ever, and he was beginning to look impatient. Cai bit his lip, suppressing the animalistic urges deep down in his gut.

“That’s a shame, I used to be your favourite student you know. Back at Chapel High School.” Ryan still didn’t look convinced, was he playing coy? What a tease. “Mordecai Rin.”

A switch flicked in Ryan’s head, and suddenly he remembered. He remembered everything.

“Oh.” That’s why he remembered him! This guy was the student who had confessed his love to him on his final day of work! Ryan really didn’t think that he would ever cross paths with this guy again. All grown up. He looked so different now, but yet... strangely the same. He could feel his palms begin to sweat, and his heart pound against his ribcage. He centered himself with a deep breath. This was nothing to worry about. The boy’s stupid crush had probably faded years ago. 

Still... it was a strange coincidence.

“Yes, Mordecai. I remember you.”

“I knew you would!” Cai was beaming back at his teacher, and Ryan couldn’t help but feel a little flattered that the kid had really remembered him after all this time. He really must’ve been a decent teacher back in the day.

“So, Mordecai. What brings you to Storsettcaste? This is pretty far away from home, did you get a scholarship or something?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Cai chuckled as he spoke. Ryan really was playing coy with him. How adorable! “I came here because of you...”

Ryan was about to question the boy further when a sudden crash stopped Cai in his tracks. The lecture room door flung open behind him. The sound was quickly followed by the noise of chattering students as the room began to fill up once again. It was time for Professor Westbrook’s next class, and as much as he wanted to stay here in this moment with him, he loved him enough to let him do his job well. After all, he had to be on top form to keep this job, and stay as Cai’s professor.

“Looks like it’s time for me to leave, Ryan,” Cai stepped in closer, just enough to take in his love’s sweet, delicious scent. He grabbed his teacher’s hand, giving it a quick squeeze, but before Ryan could protest, he had turned to leave.

Ryan stood baffled at the front of the class, still trying to process what had just happened. What did he mean by ‘I came here because of you...?’


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've added some character art at the bottom of the chapter! Done byTheDemigodDetre from Deviantart <3 Check him out he's amazing!

Cai tapped his long fingers against the wood of his desk, resting his tired head in his hand as he felt himself sink deeper into apathy. Amber eyes trailed around every dull inch of the lecture room, focusing on absolutely anything but the lecturer today. The boy was disinterested beyond belief, listening to the low timbre of the voice at the front of the classroom droning on about semantics or something akin to that. Not that Cai was even listening at this point, after around five minutes of trying Cai had decided that trying to concentrate was a lost cause. Ugh, it’s not like he was actually interested in linguistic science. He was interested in Ryan.

This man was NOT Ryan.

The boy’s curious eyes wandered over to Amelia, who was sat by his side looking more attentive than ever. Her vibrant, blue eyes were locked on the man at the front of the class, and she might as well have had animated, flashing love hearts for pupils. Her graceful hands were clasped together, and gentle sighs would leave her pink lips every now and then when the lecturer would turn, locking his mahogany eyes with each student in turn.

It seemed that little Amelia had a crush. A crush that Cai definitely didn’t understand.

Cai scanned the scenery, and it didn’t take long for him to notice that many of the girls had a crush on Professor Banks. According to their dewy eyes the professor was rather attractive, to say the least. His skin was a dark shade of umber, his eyes wide and affectionate. His thick hair was cut short, feathering down his neck in a skin fade that rivalled the style of a Men’s Fitness magazine model.

Cai turned as much of his body as he could away from the professor, rubbing his index fingers in wide circles around his temples. He most certainly didn’t share in Amelia’s fascination with the man. In fact, there was only one man alive that could draw his attention. Only Ryan, and him alone.

Instead Cai urged his disinterested eyes to drift across the students in the class, searching for anything of interest that could serve as a distraction of the professor that stood infuriatingly in Ryan’s position at the front of the room.

Aside from the perky, love-struck girls looking on attentively and the slight majority of pupils listening diligently, the other students were serving their desire for disturbance in ways far more creative than Cai was. One kid was playing some crappy mobile game under the table, another was sketching child-like cartoons on their notebook, and as Cai’s eyes travelled a little further they were suddenly met by a pair of narrow, hazel irises with dilated pupils.

Cai raised a suspicious eyebrow, and the eyes darted away promptly, instead resting on the desk in front of them.

Cai tutted in frustration, puffing out his chest a little in a display of dominance. That same guy was staring at Amelia again. Cai had picked up on him before, noticed the way that his face would flush crimson as he gazed longingly across the room at his friend. In the beginning Cai had thought he was a woman, but as Amelia strictly pointed out, feminine features and XX chromosomes do not a woman make.

The guy had been fawning over Amelia since day one, and as much as Cai usually wouldn’t care about his friend’s romantic interests, this one was beginning to annoy him. Calvin, that’s what Amelia called him. Oh yeah, he was incredibly bothersome. It wasn’t his incessant attempts at flirting that bothered Cai, it was the persistent staring. Since Cai sat by Amelia’s side in every class, it felt as if Calvin’s eyes were on him constantly. No matter how many times he tried to hide his gaze with his thick, brunette side fringe and his stupid square glasses, Cai would still feel his burning stare niggling in the corner of his eye at all times.

Why couldn’t the moron just mind his own business? Fucking idiot, didn’t he know that it takes a lot more than just staring to gain someone’s affection?

“Tch,” Cai huffed dramatically, deciding that he’d rather pay attention to the tedious professor than Amelia’s dumb admirer. His glare set back onto Tyler Banks as if he were looking down the sights of a rifle. The man was tall, very tall, in fact Cai ventured to guess that Tyler Banks was a couple of inches taller than he was. That fact alone infuriated him beyond belief. He knew that Ryan liked taller men, men whose physical presence would make him feel safe, comfortable, and professor Banks had those attributes down to a T.

In fact, if the Tyler wasn’t already married with two young children then Cai may have seen him as a potential threat.

Luckily Cai was smart enough to do his research before coming to Storsettcaste. Tyler Banks was about as straight as they came. Thirty seven years old, married to Jeanette Banks for for eight years, with two twin daughters aged six. He’d watched Tyler and Ryan together on multiple occasions, and from those interactions he’d deduced that Tyler Banks was no threat to his relationship with Ryan.

That being said, the man was still incredibly irritating. Always full of cheer and joy, so down to earth and relaxed that Cai wondered whether it was all an act to hide some sort of deep depression.

Professor Banks turned to write on the whiteboard, his large hand pressing the pen down too hard. A sharp squeaking noise cut through the classroom, a sound that nobody else seemed to notice. Cai screwed his face up in disgust, Ryan’s wrist had the pen dancing across the whiteboard beautifully. Why couldn’t Ryan have taught every module? This could have been an hour long session of gazing at Ryan’s perfect form, listening to his sweet voice, but no! Professor Tyler Banks had to exist and make almost half of his lectures as dull as dirt! This man didn’t have the grace that Ryan had, nor the intelligence. He was inferior in every way, but still, here he was, standing in Ryan’s spot at the front of the class!

Amelia let out another soft sigh, and Cai wondered whether the girl knew that she was doing it. He hung his head back, grunting in annoyance as he fought to ignore the aggravation building in his gut. In his mind he tried his best to reassure himself, to tell himself that Ryan would be back at that whiteboard soon enough, that not every lecture would be conducted by professor Banks. It was useless though. Cai was impatient and he knew it. He’d waited five arduous years to have Ryan back in his sights, and now that he was finally here it was agonising to be away from him.

Cai closed his eyes, letting calming colours flash behind his lids. ‘Suck it up,’ he told himself. ‘You can do better than this.’ He opened them again, adjusting his posture so his back was straight, and his hands was clasped in a tight ball on top of his desk. He was determined to be the best student that he could be, and if that meant sitting back and enduring the boredom of his daily lectures then so be it. A slight grin pulled at the corner of his lips as he told himself: ‘Do it for Ryan.’  

 

 

Forty-five minutes passed as if they were three hours, but finally the lecture was over.

“Ok class, that’ll be everything for today.” Tyler called out, his South London accent particularly thick as he relaxed.

Amelia and the rest of the girls broke out of their little trance, and Cai to snapped his head back up from his avid note taking to face the front of the class.

Fucking finally! Now he could go home and rest, unless Amelia dragged him out for a gin and tonic at the on campus bar. She kept telling him that she would.

“But, there’s just one last thing before you all leave...”

Ugh, of course there was. There was no way that Cai would be lucky enough to get the peace that he so desperately needed so easily. Looking back on the string on misfortunes that had befallen him from birth he would be surprised if he ever got out of the damned classroom.

“I’m sure that you all got the email from Professor Westbrook about the drinks with the department event tonight, I just thought I’d remind you.”

The email... an email from Ryan?

“Of course, your attendance isn’t mandatory, but it’s a good chance for you to get to know your professors, and some of the other members of staff from the department too. Plus we’ve hired out half of an entire campus bar so don’t feel that you have to stay and talk to us. It’s a great chance to get to know each other as well!”

Cai had stopped listening as soon as Tyler had mentioned ‘getting to know the professors.’ That meant Ryan would be there... right?

Oh Tyler, if he hadn’t just brought that up then Cai might’ve missed out on an absolutely golden opportunity to spend time with Ryan! Maybe this guy wasn’t so bad after all... maybe.

Cai could feel his bottom lip trembling with excitement, he had to be there, he just had to! Never before had such an effortless opportunity arisen before him, and all of a sudden the boy considered the fact that his luck was beginning to turn in his favour. Before he knew it, his legs were moving without consulting his brain, and the widest smile spread across his face.

Cai was one of the first to leave the classroom, practically dragging Amelia along with him. He noticed Calvin’s jealous eyes following him as he left, but he couldn’t care less. Cai had to talk Amelia into going to this ‘drinks with the department’ event. It would look tragic if he went alone, and he didn’t want Ryan to be put off him before he’d even had a chance to gain his affection.

That being said, he knew that Ryan would love him in the end anyway, it was meant to be.

Cai was sure of himself, but he didn’t want to drag the process out any more than he already had to. Being in the same space as his love made his entire body ache. He couldn’t possibly wait for too much longer.

The bright lights in the corridor made Cai squint, but he ignored them, grasping Amelia’s slim arms and turning her so the two were face to face. A light blush painted the girl’s cheeks as she gazed up at him, an expression of pure uncertainty on her face. “Amelia, come to the department event with me tonight.”

The girl audibly gasped at his words, which only made her blush deepen when she noticed. Cai was so forward, so bold, and yet he was staring at her as if he hadn’t said anything at all. Not many boys her age were willing to ask a girl out so fearlessly, and the girl felt comforted by Cai’s confidence. Other boys had been nervous, and that in turn would trigger the anxiety that misted her every social skill. Cai on the other hand was brazen, and without warning Amelia could feel a smile on the corner of her lips.

“Cai,” her voice was soothing, to most people anyway, but Cai was not focused on that factor. All that he wanted was a willing wing-woman to take some of the social burden off his shoulders. “Of course I’ll go with you!” The girl matched his audacious attitude. After all, if it wasn’t a big deal to him, then it shouldn’t be a big deal to her either.

Amelia’s crystalline eyes jolted as she felt a body only slightly taller than her own breeze past her, and before she knew it her eyes met with hazel. Calvin stopped in front of her, an apprehensive smile on his freckled face. His slim fingers pushed his glasses further up the bridge of his nose as he greeted her with a quiet: “Hey, Amelia.”

The girl turned swiftly, strands of her blonde hair flicking outwards, only to land back on her happy, heart-shaped face. “Calvin!” She skipped forward to wrap her slender arms underneath his shoulders, pulling him into a weak embrace. Despite the lack of passion, Calvin looked noticeably flustered by Amelia’s attention, and Cai made sure the snort he made in response was inaudible.

“So you’re going to the department event tonight, huh?” Calvin spoke bashfully, ruffling his fingers through his dyed, raven fringe.

“Sure,” Amelia grinned, squeezing his hand in her own. “I’m going with Cai... oh, actually have the two of you met before?”

Calvin’s cautious eyes shot up to meet Cai’s dominating, golden gaze, and he could feel himself shrinking a little in the taller boy’s presence. Cai noticed his discomfort, and acted accordingly.

“Hey, I’m Cai!” He flashed Calvin his most dazzling, false smile as he stuck his hand out welcomingly. His shoulders softened, his eyes closing momentarily as he grinned, and Calvin was almost immediately cured of his visible anxiety. “Nice to meet you.”

The two shook hands, it was meek, underwhelming, but it was something at least.

“You too,” Calvin’s voice broke as he spoke, and Cai noticed him flush an even deeper shade of beet red. A thick silence hung in the air for a few seconds afterwards, clouding up in Calvin’s lungs until it almost choked him.

Amelia broke it. “So you’re going too, Calvin?” She asked, a sliver of her previous enthusiasm missing in her tone.

The boy rubbed the back if his neck awkwardly. “I mean... yeah... I guess.” The group fell back into silence once again. Amelia swung back on her heels, her eyes looking back up at Cai, almost begging him to release her from her prison of awkwardness. Cai couldn’t feel the social strain like she could, but he knew what she meant when she glared at him like that, pursing her lips like she was holding something back.

“Uhh,” Cai grumbled, folding his arms across his broad chest. “Well I guess we’ll see you there then, Calvin.” He looked right into the boy’s narrow eyes, “see you tonight.”

Calvin stumbled over his own words for a moment before he finally uttered “Ahh, I see, well goodbye then!” He scuttled away hurriedly, leaving Cai and Amelia alone once again.

The girl turned back to Cai after waving Calvin off, her eyes darting away when she met the intensity of his gaze. “S-So, shall I meet you at around eight?” She asked him, unsure on the time of the event herself. Eight seemed fine though, that was more than enough time for her to get ready, to make sure that she looked her best for the night ahead.

“Sure,” Cai told her, his face blank and expressionless. The boy had grown competent in hiding his true thoughts, and so as excitement for the upcoming night surged through him, his face was as stone cold as a gargoyle. Everything seemed to be working out in his favour. He could show up to the event with Amelia, wait for that idiot Calvin to take her off his hands, and then he could speak to Ryan uninterrupted. That’s how Cai imagined it, that was the scene that ran through his head on repeat. His heart fluttered at the thought of it. A night with Ryan, drinking, talking, watching his soft lips grace the rim of a wine glass. Bliss.

“Besides,” Cai added, raising an eyebrow suggestively at the girl, earning himself another quiet gasp as she tried and failed to steady her pounding heart. “You’ll get a chance to speak with Professor Banks, one on one.”

“I...” Her face was glowing, and her eyes were wide as saucers.

“Don’t think I didn’t notice you staring at him longingly all through that lecture,” he grinned sinfully, tapping her arm playfully as she yelped in protest.

Cai flung his arm up to his head in a ‘swooning’ motion that made the girl squeal, and she grasped onto his bicep, retracting her arm immediately when she felt the hardness beneath his soft skin.

“No! It’s not like that!” She yelled, suddenly noticing the volume of her own voice and cowering behind her hands like a timid mouse.

Cai wasn’t buying it, he assumed that he knew that look on Amelia’s face, he knew it well. It was the same look that he gave to Benjamin and the others when they’d tease him about being the teacher’s pet in Chapel High. The look of a person so desperately trying to mask an unyielding crush that they hadn’t quite accepted yet.

“So you don’t want to date Tyler, hmm?” Cai’s tone was playful, but he meant what he said. He remembered the first time he saw Ryan, it was overwhelming. If anyone could understand Amelia’s feelings right now, it was him.

“What? No way!” She cried, “He’s handsome, but I’d never date a teacher. That would be weird!” She met Cai’s eyes again and her blush deepened, pitch heightening, breath hitching in her throat. “I’d rather date... someone my own age.”

“Oh, c’mon Amelia, I’m only kidding.” Cai gave her another one of his signature false smiles, and all she could respond with was a nervous giggle that stuck to the back of her throat like a bad cough. “Anyway, I’m thirsty. Let’s go get that gin and tonic you’ve been going on about.”  

 

 

 

The night came around quickly. Dark clouds rolled over the star studded sky, covering up the minimal light that a sliver of moon cast across the city. Heavy raindrops were blown diagonally in the icy breeze, splattering against every hard surface that they found. Cai shivered as the rain soaked the hood of his thick, black coat, and splashed off his shined, leather shoes. His right hand grasped the handle of an umbrella which he held at least a foot below his head level, protecting Amelia from the lashing droplets.

The tiny blonde wore a calm smile along with her knee length, pink dress. Her heart fluttered as the taller boy shielded her from the unforgiving weather.

Damn Amelia, it was pouring with rain, and the girl didn’t even think to bring her own umbrella. How ditzy! It was obvious that she’d put a considerable amount of effort into her appearance. Her champagne hair bounced in loose curls, and her lips were painted with a blossom pink gloss. It would’ve been simply evil of Cai to let her doll-like perfection get washed away in the rain tonight. On the plus side, perhaps it would be easier to get the girl out of his hair with her looking so done-up tonight, he was sure that Calvin would appreciate her efforts. If the guy could sweep her away, then Cai would be free to pursue Ryan in whichever way he saw fit.

His hands trembled at the thought of Ryan dressed up smartly, and drops of rain were sprayed out from the umbrella’s stretched fabric. “Sorry,” Cai mumbled down to Amelia as raindrops dotted her soft, beige coat.

She looked up at him sweetly, and a crimson blush prickled her face. “It’s ok, Cai.” She smiled back at him.  

 

 

Cai shook off his umbrella, leaving it below the coat rack in the doorway as he stepped inside after Amelia. He hung up her coat before his own, but he didn't notice the way that she shivered as her hand brushed up against his. Not that he would’ve given it a second thought if he did.

Faint music drifted in the warm air as the two walked into the bustling bar. The scent of sweet alcohol filled the room, and students lounged around on the padded chairs and sofas, drinking and laughing, filling the space with their frustrating presence. This wasn’t the sort of place that Cai would usually associate himself with. It was too loud, too packed. Everywhere he looked someone was in his personal space, and on a regular day, he wouldn’t have been able to stand it.

Today however, was no normal day. As far as Cai was concerned, this sticky-floored campus bar may as well have been the fluffy, golden clouds of heaven. Or at least it would be, the moment that his eyes found Ryan amongst the crowd.

On the far side of the room, a platformed area was barred off, and Cai had spotted Tyler’s abnormally tall frame amongst a sea of students, some of whom he vaguely recognised. Amongst them were Amelia’s friend Calvin, and his red-haired friend who Cai had never seen before. Cai hoped that one of them would steal Amelia from his loose clutches tonight.

“There’s Professor Banks,” Cai said blankly, glancing down at Amelia, who in turn was gazing up at him. “Looks like the department have booked out that section of the bar for us.”

Amelia looked over at him, her curious eyes searching the space. “Oh! There’s a pool table!” The girl’s sweet voice called up to Cai, “Wanna have a game with me? I’m terrible, but it might be fun!”

Cai ignored her, his eyes scanned the entire room, every corner, every inch of the dance floor, the bar, the sofas. His love was absolutely nowhere in sight. Impatient fingers scrunched up into fists, nails digging into the soft skin of his palms as he frantically searched. Where was Ryan? As Cai continued to search, coming up empty each time, he felt a pain in his stomach. Had this all been a huge mistake? There was no way that Cai would have even stepped foot in this shit-hole if Ryan wasn’t going to be there, and now he had an eager Amelia practically tugging at his shirt sleeve.

Fuck, fuck, where was Ryan?

“Cai?” Amelia’s voice was a blur echoing through Cai’s eardrums, and he wasn’t willing to pay attention. Ryan was short, and to some he could easily blend into a crowd, but not to Cai. Cai could spot him from a mile away. Cai could spot him with the fucking light off. He’d spent years in the practice of finding Ryan in a crowd, of watching him amongst a shit-storm of busy people. If he was here right now, Cai was sure that he would’ve found him by this point.

Shit, this was bad.

It was as if the lights in the room were dimming, fading out like all of the hope in his heart as his eyes wandered over the same areas of the room again and again, as if one more glance would make the man appear where he wasn’t before.

Fuck, this was a mistake.

This had to be a mistake! Just because Ryan had sent the invitation email, it didn’t mean that he was going to be here.

All of a sudden, Cai felt a tsunami of shame wash over him at his own stupidity. He should’ve done more research, maybe followed Tyler back to the staff offices, or at least asked him if Professor Westbrook was going to be here tonight! Surely with all of his experience he could've done more. Had he learned nothing during his time studying Ryan? Damn, damn it all! This was utterly unnerving! This was a disaster, a total waste of time. Ryan was nowhere in sight, and now he was stuck here with Amelia and Tyler and a sea of faceless, nameless people that threatened to drown him in their...

 

“I’ll join your game of pool...”

 

Cai felt every single muscle in his body tense at once at the sound of that bland, emotionless voice. Even without intonation, it was as if the boy’s ears had been graced by the most wonderful symphony. His shoes squeaked against the wooden floor as he spun as quickly as he possibly could to face the angelic source of the voice.

There he was. His Aura like a magnificent light in the darkness, and my god, he was the very epitome of perfection. Stray raindrops dripped off his glorious strands of blonde hair, falling down off his porcelain skin. His shirt... oh GOD! His white shirt was drenched from the rain, and for the first time Cai believed that there truly was a higher power, controlling the weather and looking down on him with delight. Ryan’s shirt was see through, every curve of his slender body being exaggerated through the wet fabric and... fuuuuuuuuuuck. You could see his pink nipples through the cotton, and Cai could feel his entire body heating up to it's boiling point.

Three buttons of the professor’s shirt were undone, exposing a dangerous amount of milky, white skin on his smooth chest. Cai could feel his head spinning, he was dizzy with lust. Seeing Ryan all soaking and disheveled like this, it was almost more than his lustful mind could bear. Every minute detail of Ryan’s appearance looked as if it had been hand crafted by angels. Lustful, horny angels. Fuck, Cai wasn’t sure if he could possibly hold himself back any longer. The man of his dreams was stood right in front of him, cheeks flushed from the cold, drenched from head to toe and glaring at him with his signature burning stare.

The blood from Cai’s brain rushed elsewhere at an alarming rate, and he was sure that his rational thoughts had left with it.

He wanted to peel those sopping clothes right off the man’s frame, warm him with his wanting body. It was unfair, so unfair that Ryan had no idea just how good the boy could make him feel. If only Ryan would let him, he could bring him right up to the peak of ecstasy and back again. His chest began to heave, his palms were sweating and his uncontrollable, animalistic urges were short-circuiting the intricate cogs of his brain. The room was crowded, but in this moment nobody else in the world existed but Cai, and Ryan. How could he hold himself back? How could he possibly...

“Professor!”

Cai could feel his soul being sucked back into his body wrathfully as Amelia’s cheerful voice whipped his animal side back into the cage inside his skull.

“That would be wonderful, I’m not very good, but Cai and I will definitely have a game with you!”

A grin tugged at Ryan’s top lip, and he looked right into Cai’s soul with his steely, blue eyes. “Don’t worry, I’m not very good myself.” He told the beaming young girl. “By the way. Hello again, Mordecai Rin.”

He... he said his name.

If Cai was a weaker man, then he would've passed out from the over-stimulation. But no, Cai was strong, and he was prepared.

"Hello, Professor Westbrook." The words left his plump lips like silk, meant to caress the man's very being with their sensual, purring tone. It was time for Cai to gain some footing in Ryan's seemingly black heart, and he was not about to let this opportunity pass him by.

 

 

 

A few moments passed, and Cai had learned a lot about pool within them. He wasn’t aware that it could be played as a team sport, but apparently the commotion of Ryan entering the room had Tyler annoyingly excited, and now there were two teams of three people stood on either side of the pool table. Normally, the prospect of team sports would be more than unappealing to Cai, but this time he had Ryan on his team, so he was more than happy to partake.

Tyler angled up his pool cue with the particularity of a professional, much to the delight of his team-mates. Just as expected, Calvin and his red-headed friend had zoomed over the moment that Amelia had shown an interest in playing. Their faces had flushed beetroot the moment that they saw her in her dainty, pink dress.

Cai thought that she was truly beautiful, like a doll, or an angel. She reminded him of his mother in many ways, although they didn’t look alike. They had same kind nature, the same ability to pull the focus of the weaker willed men and women. It was quite an admirable skill, although he was sure that Amelia herself had no idea that she possessed it.

After a brief conversation Cai had learned that the red-headed boy was named Bradley. Not that Cai really cared, but he didn’t want to forget and seem rude in front of his love. Ryan was watching his every move now. He had to be perfect, he couldn’t falter for a second.

After the group bought themselves a round of drinks, the game began.

Tyler had the fierce gaze of a determined soldier as he broke the triangle of snooker balls, knocking two yellows into the same pocket consecutively. “Guess we’re yellows then, team.” He smiled back at Calvin and Bradley, who both held their frothing pints of beer up in a congratulatory fashion. It looked like they had been here for a while, their faces were already flushed with a tipsy glow.

Tyler leant over the table, passing the cue over to Ryan, who struggled to reach it.

The man's delicate hands grasped onto it so endearingly, and Cai could feel himself hypnotised by his graceful movements once again. The professor was like a newborn gazelle: clumsy and confused, but none-the-less beautiful and mesmerising in a way that pulled an observer’s focus like a magnet.

“Damn it,” Ryan gazed at the cue as if it were complex algebraic formulae, not that a man as intelligent as him couldn’t have figured that out in a heartbeat. His already narrow eyes squinted at it as he manoeuvred it around his body, trying to find the right angle, or at least one that remotely worked. Cai could feel the butterflies in his stomach evolving, turning into dragons that savaged his insides and breathed fire onto his pounding heart, lighting it aflame. The cue was almost as tall he was, and god damn if that wasn’t the most adorable thing that Cai had ever seen.

It was obvious to anyone that Ryan was struggling. He was holding the cue so wrong that Calvin and Bradley were giggling mockingly behind Tyler. Cai shot them a disapproving glare that DARED them to ever laugh at Ryan again, and it seemed to work. The confused looks on their faces were priceless, and they halted their laughter almost immediately, not without giving each other a worried, knowing glance first.

Cai could feel his head spinning like a tumble dryer on it's last round at the sight of Ryan half bent over that pool table.

His wet, blonde hair fell in dripping strands over his eyes, his tongue poked out of the corner of his peachy lips as he tried to concentrate. Cai watched him as if he were live on air. He couldn’t look away if his life depended on it. Cai had to get behind him, he had to touch him.

“Professor, hold it like this...” The words left Cai’s lips before his brain could process them, and his body moved without a shadow of a thought crossing his mind. Then he was behind Ryan, his hands grasping at those slim, toned arms, guiding them into the perfect position, bending his professor over the table just a little more. Their heads were side by side, just enough for Ryan’s rain-drenched hair to caress Cai’s glowing face. Cai could smell fragrant coconut in his hair. The musk of his cologne graced Cai’s nostrils, sending him into an unrivalled high. He could feel the gentle stroke of Ryan’s perky ass against his thigh as he shifted the smaller man below him, and he couldn’t control the fact that his jeans began to tighten, just a little.

It took all of his mental strength not to lean in just that little bit further, to press his crotch up against the man and grind himself to full arousal. If only he could, but he could feel four other sets of eyes on him like hawks, and he knew that he had to make this interaction seem as innocent as possible.

“Like this?” Ryan said, bending over just a little more until the shiny, red ball was just in the sights of his cue, lined up to perfection. Cai swallowed the obscenities that threatened too spill out from between his lips. Fuck, Cai was sure that Ryan was doing this on purpose, his pert ass further invading the boy’s personal space in such an arousing manner. Ryan was unknowingly being such a little tease, but his eyes were fixed right on the ball, and although Cai couldn’t see the man’s face, he could sense the determination radiating from him. He knew exactly what delicious expression was etched onto Ryan's face right now.

“Just like that.” Cai could feel himself pushing his words out a little more forcefully, praying that his hot breath would make its way into Ryan’s unsuspecting ear. He leant backwards slightly, painfully tearing himself away from the feeling of Ryan’s hair against his face. He couldn’t arouse suspicion, and he definitely could not become any more aroused than he already was without it becoming obvious.

He kept his inner thigh against Ryan’s ass, it was such a slight connection, but it was enough for Cai to feel the shape of his round cheeks against his body. Ryan pulled back his arm, giving an abrupt gasp as he pushed the pool cue forward, hitting a red ball directly into an open pocket.

His body jolted against Cai with his enthusiastic push, and Cai stepped backwards as he felt himself hardening against the zip of his jeans. It was all too much too soon. The stimulation, the closeness, the intimacy. Cai was fucked, and he knew it.

Shit, he didn’t want his arousal to be apparent to the others. That would be a disaster!

He would just have to stand with the height of the pool table in the way to hide it until it went away. Or maybe... just to be safe...

Cai took his jacket off, tying it oh-so-innocently around his waist, revealing the tank top that he wore underneath. It left little to the imagination, showing off the contours of his muscular body. Cai had worked hard to achieve a physique this impressive, and so when he noticed a crowd of eyes on him, he smirked, dragging out his arrogant side that dwelled at such a shallow level under his skin. Amelia’s eyes fell onto him instantly, and she had to forcibly shut her jaw as it hung open without her consent. Cai didn’t notice her reaction in particular, but Ryan did.

Ryan was curious, and he turned to face Cai. His expression didn’t change, but his cyan eyes wandered down Cai’s body almost hungrily, and Cai could see a glint of something that he hadn't seen before in them. He couldn’t stop the smirk from widening across his handsome face. He’d studied Ryan for long enough to know exactly what the man’s physical tastes and preferences were, and he had every intention of adhering to them at every given opportunity.

“Woah, Cai!” Tyler chuckled from the other side of the table. Ryan’s eyes left Cai's tempting body, and he turned to face the other professor as quick as a flash. “In all my years of working here, I’ve never actually seen Professor Westbrook pot a pool ball before! You must really be a natural!”

Cai let his pitch heighten just a little, feigning flattery. “Oh, I used to play pool with my sister when I was younger.” Cai beamed back at him, still dizzy from the ecstasy of being so close to his love, for such a long period of time. “She was crazy good, so I had to get up to her level to stand a chance against her.”

“Woah, that’s amazing Cai,” Amelia chimed in from his left side. He’d almost forgotten that she was there, but the look that she was giving him was one of true admiration. “You’ll have to teach me sometime.”

“Oh... uh, sure.”

Professor Westbrook turned his head to the side ever so slightly, just enough for one of his steely eyes to meet with Cai’s. Tyler was right, he had never actually potted a pool ball before. Somehow Cai’s guidance had not only angled him just right, but left him feeling calm and composed as well.

“Yeah, thanks kid.”  

 

 

 

Even with Cai’s expertise, their team still lost the game of pool. Amelia was a sweet girl, but good grief she could not pot a single ball, even with Calvin’s eventual attempt to replicate what Cai had done to help Ryan. The night dragged on, and by now the group were all around four pints down, and were without a doubt beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol coursing through their veins.

This included the professors as well as the students.

The group had scattered away, but Tyler was back at the pool table, completely disregarding the reasonable voice in his head that told him to take it easy on the new students. He had a new team, and to be fair the girls with him seemed elated. He himself looked as if he was genuinely enjoying himself too.

The rest of them were peering around the room, tying to find seating that suited Ryan’s particular tastes.

He was a picky man, even when it came to something as simple as where he wanted to sit, and although it seemed to be getting on the other student’s nerves, Cai loved that about him. A strong, assertive man who knew what he damn well wanted and would not settle for anything less. Plus it helped that he was the single hottest thing that Cai had ever seen in his life. Small enough to be dominated, with a fierce attitude that would give Cai an exciting challenge. Ugh, perfection.

The group eventually settled on some free sofas; Cai, Ryan and Amelia all huddled up onto one together, with Calvin and Bradley on the one opposite. Bradley glanced over at Cai, sensing that his friend wasn’t confident enough to make the first move toward getting closer with Amelia.

“Amelia, you look so squished over there,” Bradley told her, his mask of concern as transparent as a window on a clear day. “You can move over to our sofa if you want, I think it’s a bit bigger.”

Cai knew exactly what Bradley was doing, but there wasn’t a part of him that cared in the slightest. “Yes it does look a little bigger, I don’t mind if you want to move.”

Cai smiled at Amelia, but she looked back up at him with wary eyes. Honestly the situation was a win-win for Cai. On one hand, making room for Amelia on his sofa meant that now his leg was pressed up against Ryan’s, and he could feel the warmth of his skin through the fabric of their clothing. On the other, if Amelia did move then he and Ryan would have the whole sofa to themselves. Both situations would warrant some form of intimacy between Cai and his professor, and Cai quietly congratulated himself on his ability to mould any situation to benefit him.

“Oh.. uhhh...” She mumbled, glancing over to Cai with a worried look on her sweet face. “Really, I don't mind at all. It’s quite warm here.”

She was not wrong. Her small, slender body was pushed up against Cai to the point that she was almost on his lap, and she hadn’t taken her eyes off him for more than a few seconds. Cai thought that she looked cute, almost fragile. He could see the ravenous look in Calvin and Bradley’s eyes, and he recognised it all too well. It was almost the same as the way that he looked at Ryan: filled with lust; but their eyes didn’t hold that same love that his own did. Plus it really didn’t seem like Amelia liked them as much as they seemed to like her, and Cai was suddenly burdened with the urge to protect the girl.

“Well that’s fine then, Amelia. If it’s warm then you should stay right here next to me.” He shot the other two a disapproving look. They should have been picking up on Amelia’s signals and backing off, the girl had been practically clinging to Cai for the entire night. She must’ve been feeling uncomfortable with all of the unwanted attention, although Cai was sure by looking at her that she probably received it often. She was a pretty girl, but beyond that she didn’t seem surprised by the attention in the slightest. The tiresome look on her face told Cai that she had fought off her fair share of suiters in her time, and Cai found that mildly admirable.

“Tch,” Cai huffed under his breath. Calvin and Bradley were being blind. Cai would never make somebody feel uncomfortable in that way. Did these people not understand that it takes a lot more than just staring at somebody across a classroom for days on end to make them fall in love with you?

Good grief. It had taken him years to learn every detail about Ryan, and now he was sure that he could be Ryan's perfect partner. Maybe if Calvin put in that kind of dedication he would let them have a chance at Amelia's heart. For now however, they should keep their distance if they knew what was good for them.

“Well, I’m gonna get myself another drink anyway so enjoy the extra space whilst I’m gone...” Ryan’s voice rang through Cai’s head like alarm bells, and he knew that he had to act fast. He needed some one-on-one time with his love, he was aching for it, his body practically pleading with him.

“Oh, I’ll go too!” Cai’s abrupt declaration was practically a shout, and he felt Amelia jump against his body.

Cai sighed, sorry Amelia.

Cai didn’t want to leave her alone with the two vultures, but wherever Ryan went, he would follow.

“Do you want another drink too?” He asked her, hoping that the promise of his return to her would suffice for his lack of presence for the moment. She smiled up at him, and Cai could see the sparkle in her eyes. “Yes please! But just a juice will be fine for now, I don't want to get too drunk.”  

 

 

 

Ryan tapped his fingers against the shined oak of the bar, his head resting in his delicate hand as he glanced at the different flavours of liquor on display.

He always hated these nights. They were supposed to be a chance for students and professors to get to know each other, but all that he got to know was that students drink way too much.

Why would he want to befriend his students anyway? Most of them only wanted to get in his good books because they thought that he might give them better grades if they did so. Idiots, as if he would ever do that.

Also, spending time with students outside the confines of the classroom apparently carried... other problems.

These were not problems that he was used to experiencing, but with this night in particular, he was intrusively aware of his body’s natural reactions, and he wanted to tear himself apart.

That stupid kid, Mordecai Rin.

Did he know what he was doing? Parading around with his stupid, dumb muscles flexing in that damn tank top. It was as if somebody had plucked a man with the perfect appearance right out of his mind and placed him aggravatingly in his personal space.

That long, sleek hair that he wore tied up in a messy bun. The way that the kid towered over him so dominantly. Those hauntingly magnetic eyes that never broke contact. It made him want to scream, it made him want to be sick.

He couldn’t get those words out of his head, those words that the kid had spoken so matter-of-factly the other day: ‘I came here because of you.’ What exactly did he mean by that? It was possible that the kid just admired him as a teacher, but it was impossible to forget that only a few years ago he had confessed his love to him. Those feelings must’ve faded by now, they should’ve, but Ryan couldn’t quite shake the feeling that there was something a little off about this Mordecai Rin kid.

He shook his head, pushing the thoughts out of his mind. He must’ve been being paranoid, there was no way that a young, attractive guy like Mordecai Rin would think of him as anything more than a professional.

Plus, he’d never be interested in a guy so young anyway.

The very idea was preposterous.

Just because he found the kid attractive, it didn’t mean that he couldn’t have a normal teacher-student relationship with him. There would be nothing more than that, no matter how close the boy was to him, no matter how many times he acted inappropriately, he would never be interested in a student. It was just wrong, and his pride would not let this fleeting attraction go any further.

Ryan swore under his breath as he remembered the way that the boy had loomed over him earlier at the pool table, the feeling of the kid’s hot breath against his ear as he moved his arms into position so domineeringly. Ryan’s core began to heat up, his body tensing at the memory in a way that made him want to tear his own skin off. Fuck you, Mordecai Rin...

 

“I’ll have a glass of blackcurrant juice, a Gin and Tonic and whatever he’s having.”

 

Ryan turned at the sound of the familiar voice, and there he was. Leaning against the bar in his damn, slutty tank top. Piercing, caramel eyes gazing right at him, and a smile was painted across his stupid, handsome face so innocently.

Cai was buying him a drink? Really? Well this was just his fucking luck.

He hated the tiny part of him that was excited by that prospect, but he hated that stupid brat more for being so comfortable in his personal space throughout this dumb event.

He may have been hot, but Ryan didn’t care about that.

Lots of people were hot... and Ryan didn’t care... he didn’t care... not one... bit.

Fuck, Cai glanced over at Ryan, tilting his head so strands of long, dark hair fell over his mesmerising, golden eyes. He rolled his shoulders back, showing off the way that his muscles moved under his flawless, tan skin.

Ryan grumbled under his breath, exhaling sharply through his nose and averting his gaze to look at anything but the boy’s perfect form.

Mordecai was utterly sinful, and Ryan wanted him to disappear before his ridiculous fantasies got the better of him. He looked back over at Cai, who was promptly paying for their drinks with an honest to god angel’s smile on his face.

It didn’t look like he was going anywhere anytime soon.

Ugh. This was going to be a long, long night.

"/>


	3. Chapter 3

The wind was howling, blowing gales of torrential rain down against the glass of the windows. There was no way that anybody was leaving the bar any time soon, not with the weather outside making their journey back home utterly miserable, and potentially dangerous. Any hopes that Ryan had about slipping out of the social unnoticed were dashed by each thrashing raindrop, and his patience was wearing thin.

“For fucks sake,” he muttered under his breath as he made his way back to the sofa with Cai, making every effort to look anywhere but the boy’s direction. This was just fucking perfect, not only had Cai bought him a drink, but he’d insisted on making it double measure too. The professor could feel his head becoming dizzy, and a familiar warmth spreading through his body as he took a tender sip. Ryan knew that he was a lightweight, and although he refused to accept that it was probably because of his small stature, he was already drunk. It would be harder than ever to keep his professional composure now, now that his most detrimental vice was clouding his judgement. 

There had been times in the past when the man had considered going sober, but one glance at a glass of wine or a gin and tonic would shoot those thoughts out of his head in an instant. Ryan loved to drink, he always had, but until now he’d always been careful to keep it to a minimum at work events. He could hardly blame himself today though, if Cai was paying then Ryan knew that he had to rinse the boy’s wallet a little. Maybe ordering one of the most expensive drinks on the menu would put him off a little, or so he thought. To his surprise Cai flashed him a sinful smile that made Ryan’s damn knees weak, and made it a double measure! 

That little brat.

Ryan heard the deep tone of Tyler’s excited voice yelling “touchdown!” and he glanced over in his friend’s direction. The man was acting like a fool, high-fiving the merry students on his pool team, taking another thirsty gulp from his beer with complete disregard for his professional position. Ryan could see a slight, alcoholic flush to his dark skin, and suddenly his urge to appear professional himself faltered a little. It wasn’t like anyone cared, in fact the students seemed to be incredibly fond of Tyler now that he’d let his barriers down a little more. 

Ryan held the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, exhaling deeply as he turned away. He liked Tyler, but god damn it he envied him too. Why did the other professor have such impressive social skills? And why did Ryan have the social abilities of a fucking lettuce? When he was younger he thought that it was only his pride that kept him so void of emotion most of the time, but as he got older, gained more experience, he realised that wasn’t the case at all. 

Ryan was simply terrible with people. 

He was an introvert, a shy, anxious mess when it came to intimate, social interactions. The professor knew that he could command a classroom, he had authority there, and he knew how to use it. Less formal situations however, they were his weakness. Usually the alcohol would help him, give him that boost of confidence that he needed, but today it was having completely unwanted effects. Rather than affecting his confidence it was affecting his eyes, and for some reason he couldn’t seem to stop them from glancing over in Cai’s direction over and over, fixating on the way that his muscles moved under his sun kissed skin. 

With the alcohol coursing through his system his inhibitions had definitely lowered. It wasn’t like Ryan to look at anybody in this way, and he couldn’t tell if it was the beer goggles taking effect, or if Cai really was this gorgeous.

   
Cai was grinning from ear to ear when he approached the sofas and saw Amelia laughing wholeheartedly. Calvin seemed to be telling a story that had Amelia feeling much more comfortable, and the mild guilt that had settled in his stomach began to dissipate. It seemed like the three that they’d left behind were getting along now, and that fact made Cai’s flutter. Perfect, at this rate it wouldn’t be weird if Cai managed to slip away with Ryan later in the night and have a real one-on-one conversation.

The two rejoined Amelia by the sofa, and the girl smiled sweetly at them both as Calvin finished up his story. The nervous look in her eyes had disappeared completely, and the pinkness in her cheeks had brightened through excessive amounts of laughter.

“Here,” Cai reached out and handed Amelia a tall glass of iced blackcurrant juice, and the girl reached out with both tiny hands to grasp it. 

“Thank you!” She beamed at up him, shuffling to one side a little as if to invite him to sit back by her side. He obliged.

Cai made sure that he gave Ryan a little less room to perch himself this time, so by the time that he sat down he was pressed firmly against Cai’s side. The contact sent an almost overwhelming rush of endorphins to the boy’s head, and he couldn’t help but lean a little closer to his professor, taking in more of his scent as he did so. He could see his love raising the elegant, balloon glass of sweet gin and elderflower tonic up to his lips. What a beautiful choice of beverage, it suited him perfectly. It was one of the most expensive items on the menu, but money wasn’t a problem for Cai. Ryan deserved the best, and it made Cai happy to know that Ryan didn’t settle for anything less than that.

“Oh, Cal. You’ll have to tell Cai and the professor the story that you just told us!” Amelia chirped, almost diverting Cai’s attention away from his love, almost. Although he turned his head to face the girl beside him, his mind was focused on the warmth radiating from Ryan’s leg pressed up against his own so delicately.

“Oh man!” Calvin snorted unattractively, and Bradley chuckled alongside him. “Listen to this guys, it’s hilarious!” The tone in his voice told them all that he was already drunk, and that fact alone seemed to send Amelia into hysterics.

The guy began talking, and three sets of eyes were fixed directly on him. The golden brown ones however, were drawn straight back to Ryan.

His slim fingers looked so graceful holding the delicate stem of his glass, and as he moved it up to his face to take a sip, Cai couldn’t help but mimic. His steely, blue eyes were focused elsewhere, and so he didn’t notice the way that the boy examined his every detail with pure awe. The gentle gulp of his swallowing, the way that his tongue flicked out against his bottom lip to savour the sweetness of the elderflower. Cai wanted to taste him too, and without fully realising it, he was edging ever closer to his love, closing any trace of a gap between their thighs.

Calvin’s obnoxious voice was nothing but a melody in the background of the romantic scene that existed inside Cai’s warped mind as he studied the gentle slope of Ryan’s nose, the intensity of his eyes. He wanted to pepper kisses along the angle of his jawline, to suck the soft skin of his neck between his teeth and leave his mark. How could he possibly restrain himself? How could he possibly wait another moment? 

Cai had been drawn into his fantasies once again, and he edged even closer.

 

   
Stupid boy! What did he think he was doing? Moving closer, inch by inch, pressing his toned thigh against Ryan’s so nonchalantly. The professor fought with his heart rate, urging it to slow down. He wrestled with his body, a body that betrayed him by urging him to lean inwards, taking more of the boy’s warmth for himself.

NO!

He gasped as he sat up straight, upright and rigid. The thoughts in his head were dangerously wrong. He mustn’t let the natural reactions of his body overpower his rational mind. Even with the alcohol clouding his judgement, even with his attraction to the boy ever present in his brain right now; he would not lower himself to giving in to his student’s advances, whether they were purposeful or not. Ryan was ten years his senior for fuck’s sake!

But the kid’s cologne did smell inviting... and his dominating stature made him feel a little... safe...

The thoughts in his head were utterly dumb, and Ryan could feel himself sinking into disappointment with himself. Was this really all it took for a guy to seduce him? Pathetic, surely he was better than this. Physical attraction alone had never weighed down on him in this way before, but as much as he hated it there was something about Cai that was drawing him like a moth to a flame. 

Cai was closer now, a little too close for comfort, a little too close to be discreet any longer. Ryan could feel the intensity of Cai’s energy merging with his own, and even with feelings of distaste welling up within him, he did nothing to stop the boy. The professor just kept sipping his gin: a fleeting distraction from his student that only made his urges more difficult to control.

Damn, he must’ve been drunk, either that or just a terrible person because suddenly the kid’s lips looked rather inviting, and if he weren’t in the public eye then he couldn’t have promised himself that he could resist the temptation... if only there weren’t so many prying eyes... maybe he could have just one taste of the forbidden fruit...

 

   
Then all of a sudden, there was nothing but darkness.

 

   
“Huh?” Calvin stopped mid ramble, and Amelia let out a shrill scream as every light in the bar went out instantaneously, casting the room in nothing but the eerie shadow of the clouded moonlight.

“What’s... what’s happening?” Amelia whimpered, grasping onto Cai’s bare arm with the urgency of a lost child as slight panic began to set in. It was a strange reaction for someone of Amelia's age, and in the moment Amelia seemed so much younger than she had before.

“Don’t worry Amelia,” Bradley comforted, standing up to take a more detailed look at the darkened room. The moonlight reflected on the lenses of his glasses as he pushed them further up the bridge of his nose. “I think it’s just a power cut.”

Behind the noise of the muttering students, Cai and Ryan breathed heavily, in unison. The dim moonlight cast angelic, white light across Cai’s handsome face, and for a moment Ryan was lost in his glistening eyes. What colour were they? Brown? Gold? Ryan wasn’t sure, but he couldn’t stop looking at them. He was interested by them rather than hypnotised, choosing to stare rather than gazing unwillingly, in a trance. 

They were in blackness, utter blackness, and the shadow on Ryan’s face covered him up to a point of near invisibility. He watched Cai’s face, his expression so pure, so innocent as he moved himself closer, and closer. So close that Ryan could smell the boy’s sweet, hot breath. The moonlight danced on the rugged bun of hair at the back of his head, and sloped down the curve of his blushing, heart shaped face. Here and now, in this moment, Ryan could swear that he had never been so attracted to a man in his entire life. How did this boy possess every trait that Ryan admired in a physical appearance? How did he smell so divine? He wondered if he would taste as good...

“Woah!” Ryan almost yelled as he jumped up from his seat, leaving Cai dumbfounded, sat on the sofa facing nothing. The tension between them had been torn, leaving frayed ends that begged to be sewn back together.

“Ryan?” Tyler’s authoritarian voice boomed from the other side of the room. Cai’s head snapped back to meet Amelia’s eyes, and he could see that they were welling up with tears.

“Cai, I don’t like this.” She mumbled to him, just quiet enough for him to hear. “I’m scared of the dark.” She hung her head as if she were ashamed of her admission, tucking a golden curl behind her ear as she stared at her feet.

Normally, Cai would’ve responded with something reassuring, something comforting to ease her fear of the darkness, but his mind had been completely wiped. All that he could think of was how close he had just been to his love, how close his love had LET him get, before he pulled himself away.

“Tyler!” Ryan called back, “what’s going on?”

“Power cut!” The sound of Tyler’s voice grew louder as he fumbled his way toward Ryan in the dark, dodging drunk and whining students as he came. “It must be because of the weather,” his voice was no longer a yell, he was close enough to speak. “We may have a backup generator downstairs though, I’ll see if I can find...”

“No!” The abruptness of Ryan’s statement had every pair of eyes within earshot turned to face him, and even though they couldn’t see the professor in the darkness, he could feel them watching him. “No...” his voice was quiet now, muffled by the shame at his own actions, his own thoughts. “I’ll go down, you stay up here with the students, I’m sure that you’re more comforting than I am.”

Tyler raised a suspicious eyebrow at Ryan’s tone, not that Ryan could see him or his reaction. “Ok then buddy, go right ahead.”

With that, Ryan was gone.  
 

 

The professor shot down the cold, stone steps behind the bar in record time, despite the bar staff’s protest as they assured him that they could fix the problem themselves. Ryan needed to get away, he needed some time to compose himself, some time to think. His delicate footsteps patted against the uneven ground in the cellar, and the weak torch on his phone lit his way. He could still feel his heart pounding so hard that it threatened to break through his ribcage, and the sinking feeling in his gut was almost enough to drag him down to his knees.

What had just happened? Why was he suddenly so weak willed? Never in his life had he reacted that way to the mere presence of another person. Ryan tried to compose himself, to think of an excuse that would ease his mind, but he couldn’t. It would’ve been easy to blame it on the booze, but he had been drunker than this before, and still in much better control of himself than he was right now.

His reaction to Cai wasn’t just unusual, it was downright terrifying.

He shone the white light across the damp, white walls, along the grey, stone floor, searching for any sign of a generator. In fact anything to take his mind off the madness that he had just experienced would've sufficed.

The man gulped down his primitive urges. He didn’t want to admit it, but it seemed that he really did have the hots for his student. Well... less ‘hots’ and more of a ‘burning, searing lake of lava’. 

Ryan stopped in his tracks, his attempt and failure to conceal that fact from himself only threw him deeper down the rabbit hole that was his overactive brain. This had to be the alcohol talking, it HAD to be. There was no way that such a young man could possibly be so endearing to him. It was disgusting, out of the question. 

Ryan tried to convince himself that it wasn’t a big deal. People found others attractive all the time, it’s not like it meant anything, it’s not like it mattered. That being said however, if somebody had seen him just then, if somebody could hear his thoughts, he would have lost his job, everything that he had worked so hard to achieve. It wasn't his thoughts that were the problem, it was the fact that he had been so willing to act on them.

That was bad, that was really, really bad.

Ryan could feel his legs beginning to shake at the thoughts running through his mind. He started to feel dizzy, and all of a sudden the room began to spin around him in a nightmarish haze. 

Without a second of thought he dropped down onto the ground, leaning his back against an icy beer keg, holding his head in his hand as he talked himself through deep, rhythmic breaths.

He spoke to himself in a soft, hushed tone. It was all going to be ok. Ryan had experienced panic attacks before, and he knew how to talk himself through them. He just needed to relax, and clear his mind.

In this moment however that was much easier said than done.

 

   
Cai sat motionless on the sofa, Amelia’s grasp on his arm becoming more annoying by the second. Her fingertips were pressing too hard against his skin, and right now he didn’t have the mental capacity to tell her to stop. 

He couldn’t believe himself, he was in utter disbelief of his own actions. What an idiot he was! This was not part of the plan. He needed Ryan to fall for him, to love him, not to run away.

Damn it!

Cai sunk his head down into his hands, jolting Amelia as he moved. He’d made a move too soon, it was too much all at once, wasn’t it? No wonder Ryan ran away! Cai thought he was smarter than this, but it seemed that this was the effect that Ryan had on him when he got too close. They were in public, Ryan’s job would be on the line if anyone saw what they almost did! Cai scolded himself internally, how could he be so foolish?

“Cai,” the gentle voice by his side did nothing to calm the rage in his heart, but he turned to face the girl with his expression void of any emotion.

“Yes.”

“The professor has been gone for a really long time, do you think he’s ok?”

It was clear that she was impatient due to her own anxieties rather than any concern for Ryan, but she was right. Once Cai zapped himself out of his own worries for a moment, he realised that it had in fact been a disturbingly long amount of time since Ryan had gone down to the cellar.

The voices in the back of Cai’s head made themselves apparent: ‘What if he’d fallen in the dark? What if he was hurt?’ Suddenly his worry turned to panic, and he shot up to his feet in an instant, tearing Amelia’s arm away from his own in one clean break.

“Don’t worry Amelia, i’ll fix the generator for you.” He didn’t take even a moment to look back at Amelia and the others before he was charging toward the bar.

“Mordecai!” Tyler called after him, his voice stopping Cai in his tracks as he turned to face his teacher. “It’s dangerous for you to go down there, I’ll go.”

Cai could feel his heart drop to his ass as his mind tried to come up with a lie that would allow him down those cellar stairs without suspicion. Think Cai, think. Anything will do. “It’s ok professor, really...” he began. Fuck, what now? The cogs in his brain were working overtime already, and now they had to work harder still. “Umm... my uncle is... an... electrician.” Yes, he could work with this. “He’s brought me along with him on the job a few times... I have some experience with electrical faults, I should be able to handle it.” Bingo.

“Well that may be so Cai, but I can’t just let you go down...”

“Really, Tyler.” Cai’s tone of voice changed from innocent to serious in an instant, and he could hear his professor audibly gasp, along with a few of the students. He was not playing games here. Nobody could stop him from going down those stairs, nobody. “Amelia is scared, so i’m going to get that backup generator working. I promise I’ll be careful.” Brilliant, that lie was much better than his last one, it was kind of true after all, Amelia was scared of he dark. Nobody needed to know that the real reason that he was leaving was because of the promise of Ryan in that cellar.

“Oh... Okay kid.” Tyler’s voice was etched with something he hadn’t heard from the man before. What was it, respect? Who cared, he turned tail and made his way down the stairs as quickly as his legs could carry him, toward Ryan.

The sound of muffled muttering faded into nothingness as Cai descended the stairs, and soon enough all that he could hear was Ryan’s laboured breathing. Curiosity pricked at his conscience as he studied the forceful, rhythmic in and out of his love’s breath. Why did it sound so forced? So... unnatural? He turned the corner in the darkness, and was met by nothing but the shining, white light of Ryan’s mobile phone torch pointing directly at the ceiling.

“Professor?” Cai called out into the abyss. His concerned voice echoed against the walls, and rather than respond with words, Ryan simply groaned at the sudden interruption.

“Mordecai?” His usually emotionless voice was hoarse, and higher pitched than it usually was. Not only that, but it seemed to be coming from much lower down than he was used to.

“Are... are you sat on the floor?” Cai questioned, stepping further into the room. As slivers of torchlight became apparent against Ryan’s slender frame, Cai could see that he was indeed on the ground, his back pushed up against a beer keg. 

“Yeah,” Ryan hissed back at him. “And what about it?”

Cai was taken aback by Ryan’s harsh tone for a moment before his expression softened into a sweet smile. “Nothing, nothing,” he said, taking a tentative couple of steps closer to Ryan. “I don’t care why you’re sat on the ground, as long as you don’t mind me joining you.”

For much longer than a moment, the professor was silent. Only the sound of his softening breathing filled the room, and the gentle scrape of his shoe against the stone as he straightened his leg.

“Do what you want.”

Cai took the man’s statement as an invitation, lowering himself onto the cold, hard ground beside his professor. He could feel Ryan’s body tense by his side, going rigid before softening into the warmth of his arm pressed up against him. For a moment it felt as if Ryan was trying to move away, but soon enough he settled back into a comfortable position. Leaning his arm so, so delicately against Cai, but tilting his head away from him.

“Professor,” Cai began, the darkness of the room causing him great difficulty as he tried to pick up on the expression on Ryan’s face. “Are you alright? You don’t seem to be doing a great job of fixing the electricity problem.”

He could hear Ryan scoff. “Oh, well done for noticing Cai.” The man’s voice was practically dripping with sarcasm, but the boy picked up on the fact that the professor had called him ‘Cai’. Just like all of his friends did, just like Ryan did on occasion back at school. It felt so much more intimate than Mordecai, and it sounded so natural coming from Ryan. 

Ryan on the other hand hadn’t even thought about it. All he could think about was how close Cai was to him. Stupid damn kid. Did he not realise that the fact he was sat on the floor like a pathetic moron was entirely his fault? God, he could just grab that fucking dumb brat and just... and just...

“Do you need me to help you? I think I could figure out what to do if I...”

“No!”

The sound of Ryan’s overly forceful protest rung through the room, earning itself a gentle flinch from Cai as it darted into one ear and out of the other, leaving his head shaking.

“No,” Ryan reaffirmed, moving himself a little further away from Cai, but still not far enough to fully break contact between the two. “You shouldn’t be down here, Mordecai. You should go back upstairs to Amelia and the others.”

“But Ryan,” Ryan winced as Cai brought his face toward him, just a little. Not enough to push his luck, but just close enough for Ryan to smell his sweet, alcohol scented breath. “I don’t want to be up there with Amelia, I want to be down here with you.”

The smell of the alcohol on his breath brought with it a painful reminder that Ryan was still under it’s influence, as did the natural reaction of his body to Cai’s words. Excitement welled up in his chest like magic: yet another way that his body had betrayed him. His heart was still pounding from his short panic attack and although he had managed to calm himself, he could feel that all-too-familiar sensation of uneasiness bubbling up inside him again. Ryan closed his eyes, and set his breathing to a slow, steady pace. A deep in and out. A rhythmic back and forth. Until...

“Why are you breathing all weird like that?”

Damn, that brat! What did he think he was doing? Throwing him off like that.

“None of your damn business!” He snapped, turning to face Cai with a threatening scowl, as if Cai could see him in this overbearing darkness. “Are you still here? Get outta here, kid!”

Cai didn’t flinch at Ryan’s harsh tone, instead he let a loving smile spread across his face. He loved Ryan’s bluntness, his defensive anger, he always had. To Cai, when Ryan became defensive like this, it was as if he were showing his most vulnerable side, a side that not many people ever got to experience, including Cai. He’d seen Ryan like this before, but the anger had never been directed toward him. When he’d watched Ryan in the past, he’d seen the way that he would direct his bitter rage towards some of his dates when they pried too far into his personal life during conversation, or towards his family members when they teased him about one of his many insecurities. It came from a place of true vulnerability, when Ryan truly wanted to let his guard down, and when his pride stopped him from doing so.

Ryan’s harsh words didn’t have their desired effect on Cai, not at all. In fact, Cai felt honoured.

“Kid.” The word left Cai’s lips with almost no emotion, and he let it hang in the air for a while before he built upon it. “Kid,” he said again, this time more wistfully, as he pondered over his memories. “That’s what you called me before, right? Back in high school.”

Ryan wasn’t sure where this was going, and he wasn’t sure that he was going to like it when he found out. “Yeah, what about it?”

“I bet it seems like so long ago to you, doesn’t it?” Cai could feel his smile fade just a little as he thought back to that day; the day that Ryan had almost broken his heart. “But it still seems so fresh in my mind.”

“What the hell are you going on about?” Ryan huffed. He knew, at least he thought he did, but he wanted so badly to be wrong.

“The day that I told you how I felt about you.” Cai spoke those words as if they were completely normal to say to his own university professor. There was no tension in his voice, no shame.

Cai could hear Ryan’s breathing drop back into that same laboured pattern again, and he could feel his heart drop lightly like falling feather in his ribcage. He let out a forced expulsion of air, something that resembled a laugh. “It was stupid of me really, to say that to my teacher back then, when I was so young.”

Ryan sifted his hand through his hair, tugging at the slight dampness that was still left from the rain. “Yeah?” This hadn’t been what he had expected, but he couldn’t deny that his interest was piqued.

“I guess I really was just a kid, I didn’t feel like it at the time though. I thought that I had everything figured out, but growing up has really shown me a lot more about love than I could have imagined. But I’m not a kid any more, and I’m mature enough to say that I’m... I’m sorry for putting you in a position like that back then, Ryan.”

The boy really did mean what he said. At fifteen, he was much too young, and much too inexperienced to give Ryan what he needed. He was a fool to think that he was worthy of him at such a tender age. He really didn’t know anything about the man, only seeing him at school, thinking about him at night time alone in his room. The rejection had been the kick in the backside that he needed to realise what he had to do, and since that day he’d come so far, and learned so much about the man that he loved. He’d studied him intently, watched him carefully. He knew everything that would turn him on, every tiny thing that would make him upset, or excited, or angry. Now that he was older, now that he had put in the work, he had earned Ryan’s heart, whether the man knew it yet or not. And he was going to take it.

“Breathing exercises...” Ryan broke a heavy silence that Cai hadn’t even noticed until this moment, as he mumbled.

“What?”

“It’s my breathing exercises, that weird breathing that I was doing before.”

“It’s... it’s your...”

“I used to suffer from some really bad anxiety, and I guess panic attacks come along with that more often than not.” Ryan sighed, almost in defeat as he let a minute sliver of his guard down. “I started on meds and I thought I was ‘cured,’ it’s been years since I’ve had an episode like this, but tonight I got a little too drunk and a little too... uhhhh... and then the power went out and it all got kind of overwhelming.”

“B-breathing exercises, huh..”

Cai was more than a little lost for words, Ryan had actually opened up to him. It was only a little, but in all of his years of watching Ryan he had never seen the man open up to anybody, not even once.

“Yeah, I’m not sure why I told you that, but I answered your damn question. Happy now?”

Happy? Was he happy? Cai felt as if he were on a god-damn cloud! His love had felt comfortable enough with him that he could actually open up, to share a part of his inner demons with him, and him alone. This was like a dream, and although Cai knew that Ryan would’ve opened up to him one day anyway, it didn’t make the feeling of it finally happening any less sweet. This only affirmed his feelings: the two were meant to be together. Cai just knew it, he’d always known it. God he wanted to grab Ryan’s perfect little face and just...

 

   
“Huh?” The two gasped in unison as the lights jolted back on, and they heard a distant cheer from the people upstairs, pulling Ryan back into the reality of the situation. Cai’s head stayed drifting in the clouds.

 

   
“The power’s back on, I guess we didn’t need the backup generator after all.” The words left Ryan's lips with strength, but as he saw Cai again, illuminated by the light, they lost their vigour. 

Damn, this was why he had become so overwhelmed in the first place! There he was, the epitome of perfection in the male form. So young and handsome and damn hot. All muscles and messy hair and smooth, tanned skin wrapped up in that fucking tank top. Ryan hadn’t realised just how close the kid was until the lights had come back on. He knew that he was pressed up against him a little, but he hadn’t really thought much of it until the light came back, and he was close enough to see the tiny flecks of gold in his otherwise deep, brown eyes.

“Ryan.”

The professor’s name left his lips in a soft purr as he gazed in his love’s direction, and it was a moment too late before Ryan realised that Cai’s face was moving closer to his own at an alarming rate.

Ryan froze, his rational brain screaming at him to pull away, but his lustful body urging him to lean in closer. He was left in frozen in limbo as his brain and body battled fiercely, and so when Cai’s lips met his own, he could barely react at all. Soft, tender lips pressed up against him with such gentleness, it was as if he were being kissed by an angel. Slowly, a hand came up to rest on the side of Ryan’s head, eager fingers threading through his hair, fixing themselves in place. Still, Ryan didn’t move, he couldn’t move. It was as if his body had been turned to ice.

Without warning, his own lips parted, and Cai’s hot, wet tongue found it’s way into his mouth, dancing up against his own. He could feel the rise and fall of Cai’s shoulders against him as his breathing became deeper, quicker, harder. Before he knew it the boy had practically straddled him, and the heat being emitted from their interaction began to slowly melt Ryan's frozen posture.

Cai couldn’t take it any more. Seeing Ryan in the light like that, his shirt all crumpled, too many buttons undone. Those bright, piercing eyes that bore into his soul gazing back at him. His sweet lips close enough to taste, he couldn’t resist any longer, he had to kiss him or he thought that he might’ve just burst! His legs were on either side of Ryan now, his much larger frame dominating the smaller man and it felt so, so right. He could feel the tiny bumps on Ryan’s tongue against his own, and the softness of his lips. He tasted so good, like a forbidden fruit, like victory. Cai had dreamed of this day for so many years, and now it was finally happening, and Ryan hadn't resisted him at all.

It was better than Cai could’ve ever imagined, and when two slender arms came to wrap themselves around his back, fingers digging into the skin ever so gently, he almost melted. Fuck, he could feel the blood rushing southwards from his brain so quickly that it left him high. He was acting on impulse now, animalistic impulse as he switched off his rational thoughts. Before he knew it he was practically rutting against the man, grasping at his soft hair, pulling him deeper and deeper into the kiss. 

Ryan was barely sure if what was happening was real any more, all that he knew was that at some point he had surrendered to it all. His arms were wrapped around Cai, mercilessly grasping at the taut muscles of his back. His tongue was so far into Cai’s mouth that he was surprised that either of them could still breathe, and Cai was thrusting down onto him like some kind of savage beast. Ryan's hands moved from Cai's back into his long, dark hair. He tugged at the hair bun, pulling out strands that he used like reigns to pull the boy closer. The professor could feel his hips bucking upward without permission, and his body was practically trembling at the boy’s wanting touch, but he could not fully erase the thoughts of reason from his mind, and as his length grew painfully hard, the thoughts grew painfully hard to bear.

This was wrong.

This was his student, a fucking kid. Well... maybe not a kid any more, but he was still ten years younger than him. He was drunk, Cai was drunk, at least Ryan assumed he was, and here he was in this dingy basement, making out with one of his own students. What... what was he doing!? Suddenly the fire of their passion burned out to bitter rubble, and Cai’s sweet tongue turned to ash in Ryan’s mouth as he pulled away.

“Cai!” Ryan practically spat, “what are we doing?”

“What?” The boy was still sat on top of him, his body weighing down on Ryan as heavy as his own conscience. “We’re kissing Ryan, didn’t you want to?”

“I...I...”

Ryan could feel the dread seeping back into him, and the guilt over his own actions began to cloud any lust that he once had.

“Cai, get off me!” He hissed, shaking himself vigorously beneath the boy until he removed himself.

“Ryan,” he said, his voice tinted with an almost comforting tone. “You don’t need to be ashamed of your own feelings. We’re meant to be together, you and I. Why fight it?”

“Be together? Have you lost your mind? I’m your professor!” Ryan was shaking with rage now, but he wasn’t sure exactly where he should direct it. Cai had initiated the kiss, but Ryan had hardly done anything to stop him. They were both in the wrong, they were both just as bad as each other.

“I’m not crazy, I love you.”

“Love me?”

“I know that you feel it too, Ryan. You feel... something. There’s no need to hide it from me.”

Ryan could feel the thin, blonde hairs on his arms standing on end. Of course he felt something. He felt an attraction, a sexual urge, a magnetic pull, but he also felt guilt and disgust at his own actions. “I can’t... I mean... I... I have to go.”

Ryan brought himself to his feet shakily, ignoring Cai’s calls after him as he made his way out of the room, back up the cold, stone steps. This was ridiculous. He needed time to calm down, time to think. That boy, that stupid damn brat! Ryan was a teacher, not a damn horny teenager! He needed to start acting his damn age, showing Cai that he was a professional, not a classmate.

This was just a small blip in his otherwise immaculate teaching career, and he would be damned if he was going to let a pretty face and a hot body ruin that for him.

He wouldn’t ever buckle like that again. He was better than this, and he was going to prove it to that damn kid, but most of all, he was going to prove it to himself.


	4. Chapter 4

Cai awoke to the sound of his alarm that morning, dizzying himself from slumber with memories of the previous night in his mind. He had kissed Ryan, their lips had finally connected, and Ryan had kissed him back too!

After Ryan left, the rest of the night had been a bit of a blur for Cai, but he vaguely remembered walking Amelia back to her dorm and then coming home and... enjoying himself. He glanced over to his bedside table, and the mounds of crumpled up tissue that lay on it. God knows how many times Cai had touched himself that night, sinking into the memory of the kiss as he brought himself to climax again and again.

It bad been utterly blissful, more than he could’ve ever hoped for. Ryan had done so well for him, just like Cai knew that he would. The professor never disappointed Cai. 

It was such a monument. Their first ever kiss. A story that they’d tell their grandchildren about some day. Of course, they’d spare the children some of the more sinister details: The way that Ryan had wrapped his arms around Cai’s back, the way that he let out cute, breathy moans as the kiss deepened, the way that he grasped at Cai’s hair like rope to pull him in closer.

Just thinking back to the moment had Cai feeling flustered all over again. Simply everything about it was just so... so...

Cai could feel his cock twitch as the memory flooded back into his mind, disabling all other thoughts, all other feelings, until the only thing he was capable of experiencing was his ever growing lust. He considered ignoring his urges and getting out of bed, anxious not to be late for class, and too excited about the prospect of being able to see Ryan once again. That being said however, seeing Ryan in class today was bound to stir the demon in his loins, and after the heat of the former night’s passion he knew that releasing his frustrations now could only be beneficial to him. He didn’t want his pent up lust to take away from his charm today, not on the day of his first Spanish lesson, not on the day that he got to spend in one of the professor’s smaller, more intimate classes.

Cai reached down to grasp at his semi-hard cock, and thanked himself for sleeping without clothing that night. It provided him easy access in this moment, and for Cai there wasn’t a moment to lose. He sat himself upright, legs wide apart in the same position that he straddled his love the night previous. The boy let his eyelids fall until he was in total blackness, and the only thing missing from his recreation was Ryan himself. That didn’t matter right now though, his memory could provide him with a that for the time being.

Like a blanket, soft, warm and comforting, Cai draped himself in the memory of the night before. Letting himself get wrapped up in it, and only it. He drew in a deep breath, and he swore that he could smell Ryan’s sweet cologne once again. The pillow below him served as a temporary replacement for the warmth of Ryan between his legs, and then there he was, back in that moment, back down in that cellar with Ryan under his spell.

His cock was hard and aching for attention already as his sinful imagination created the perfect image of what Ryan had looked like beneath him. He was picturesque, stunning, a shining beacon of a man just as he always was. If only Ryan was here with him now, he would’ve been able to see everything all over again: the cute, blossom blush that would paint his pale cheeks, the way that his piercing dipped as he knotted his eyebrows, trying to resist his arousal, the look of defeat when his lust overpowered him. God fucking damn there wasn’t anything on the planet that was comparable to Ryan’s pure magnetism. It was like a delicacy, and Cai knew that he would kill if it meant he could taste it just one more time.

Cai palmed his erection, slowly, taking his time to enjoy the sensation. His tip was already leaking pre-come, making the glide of his hand smooth, almost effortless.

In his mind, Ryan was underneath him again, and Cai was tasting the alcoholic glow of his lips, the faint elderflower on his tongue. His icy, blue eyes were hooded as he looked up at Cai from underneath his thick lashes, eager and wanting, craving his touch as if he were addicted to him. His rock hard length was pressed up against Cai’s leg, and his hips bucking up desperately, searching for any semblance of friction that he could find.

“Ahh,” Cai let a breathy moan fall from his lips like leaves in an autumn breeze as the first tingling sparks of pleasure began to build. He quickened the movements of his wrist cautiously, chasing the high that the feeling brought him, but being wary of the unpredictable distance of his goal.

Cai drifted further into his fantasy, to the part where Ryan wrapped his slender arms around his back, digging sharp fingernails into his skin in an intoxicating display of lost inhibitions. Cai began to thrust into his hand in time with Ryan’s trembling hips. Lids still shut, but his minds eye connected with Ryan’s as their souls bonded. Ryan looked like perfection, so god damn beautiful that Cai’s heart swelled close to bursting. His hair was rugged, tousled and messy, the buttons of his shirt undone hazardously low, and Cai wanted to tear the damn fabric right off his body.

He would’ve imagined it, pictured the way that Ryan’s body would look under that constricting layer of cotton, but he wouldn’t let himself get that far into the fantasy before he had experienced the real thing. He wanted his first time seeing Ryan’s natural form to be just that, the first time. He didn’t want to fantasise, to guess what his clothing was hiding, he didn’t have to. Even Ryan fully clothed and sensible would’ve been enough to have Cai’s blood running hot and heavy in his veins, his heart pumping faster and stronger. Instead his dream love looked up at him and said to him in his oh-so-intoxicating voice: ‘Fuck Cai, I want you.’

“Oh, fuck Ryan.”

Cai could feel each thread of pleasure knitting together to create something much, much more. He stroked himself more rhythmically, gasping and moaning at every sensation that he let himself feel. He was impossibly hard, dripping pre-come, the heavy feeling of bliss pooling to the point of near overflow .

“Cai, I want you to fuck me so hard.” Cai let out a deep groan, his eyes squeezed shut as his fantasy lover begged beneath him, whispering filth up at him, each utterance more sinful than the last.

“Cai, fuck me. Bury yourself in me.”

“Ryan.”

“Let me choke on you.”

“Ryan.”

“I don’t wanna be able to walk when you’re through with me.”

“Oh, Ryan, fuck, fuck!”

“Come for me, Cai.”

“Ryan, I’m...”

“That’s it Cai, come.”

As Ryan commanded, Cai jerked himself to the peak of ecstasy, wailing Ryan’s name as he tipped himself over the edge, spilling over his pillow whilst imagining Ryan’s face taken over by lust, focused only on him as he climaxed. Eyes like glaciers were fixed on Cai, unblinking, unrelenting, and utterly binding.

The room echoed with the fog of laboured breathing as Cai stroked himself through the last few quivers of his orgasm, letting his head fall onto the wall to steady himself as he lost control of the strength he used to hold himself upright. With the intensity of it all, he needed a few moments to regain his clarity, and he leant panting against the wall for a minute or so before he was able to lift his head.

It wasn’t long before the corners of Cai’s plump lips were upturned, and the air in his lungs was expelled in soft laughter. Reliving his first kiss was just as addictive as he knew it would be, but somehow Cai just didn’t feel fully satisfied. The pillow between his legs couldn’t replace his professor’s warmth, couldn’t replicate the way that Ryan’s body trembled under his frame. The man’s voice in Cai’s head wasn’t nearly as commanding, his scent didn’t hold the same overpowering pheromones that drove Cai wild.

He needed more.

He needed the real thing.

 

   
Cai was especially giddy over today’s class. It was his first Spanish lesson with his Ryan, and Cai couldn’t wait to hear Ryan’s sultry voice speaking in a foreign tongue. Cai had been learning Spanish ever since Ryan had revealed his talent for it when he taught at Chapel High. One break time he’d indulged Cai with stories of his Spanish godmother, and his family’s numerous trips to the sunbaked country itself. Ryan even stated that he would’ve moved there if his skin wasn’t so pale and prone to sunburn, and that only made Cai worship the man’s sensitive skin even more. Moving to Spain was hardly Cai’s ideal, so he was glad that Ryan had stayed in England after all.

There was a temperate breeze in the air, whipping up leaves of yellow and orange shades, swirling them up over Cai’s head. He batted them away playfully as he made his way to the department building with an honest to god spring in his step. The boy was particularly enthusiastic about seeing Ryan again today, eager to see the glint in his beryl eyes, what outfit he’d be wearing and what part of his gorgeous body it would flatter the most.

It was going to be entirely enchanting, and Cai knew that the connection between the two of them would be back in an instant. The moment that they locked eyes they would be drawn back together as they shared the very essence of each other’s soul. In one another’s presence their energies came together as one, and the feeling was powerful enough to cut off all hesitations that their brains portrayed as rationalities. Cai could feel the connection so strongly that it filled him up to the brim, and he knew that Ryan had felt it too. He could tell by the man’s actions, by the way he had been enticed by Cai so easily.

Ryan was the other half of Cai’s soul, that was the only explanation that the boy had for the way he felt. The two were meant to be together. 

The double doors of the department building slid open, and Cai could feel the warmth of the stagnant air inside straight away. It was snug, soothing, the perfect place to wait for class to start. There was a brightly coloured, tangerine sofa, and a small coffee table scattered with leaflets and books. He was exactly twenty minutes early, just as he’d planned, and that sofa looked like a fine place wait around for Ryan and the rest of his class to show up.

Cai was about to step forward, when all of a sudden, he was stopped in his tracks by an icy hand on his arm. He gasped, and a certain familiar cologne filled his senses with it’s sweet musk.  
“Ryan,” he beamed like the sun, turning around to face an expression as cold as winter snow. Ryan looked so stoic, so strong, he was truly art.

“Mordecai,” Their eyes met, and there was that spark again. Cai was practically reeling from the feelings Ryan’s presence gave him, it was as if he stood before a deity. “Follow me, I need to speak with you.”

“Y-yes sir.”

Ryan led Cai up two flights of stairs, not turning to look back at him once. He could hear the kid’s annoyingly loud footsteps behind him so he knew that he was still there. Ryan could only imagine what expression Cai would be making behind his back right now. He could practically feel the frustrating smile on the kid’s face as he followed him eagerly up the stairs, standing just a little too close to him just to push his luck.

Ryan had really hoped that the boy’s stunning beauty had been nothing more than beer goggles exaggerating his natural attractiveness, but seeing Cai again today had disproved that theory. It seemed that the brat got more handsome every time that Ryan saw him, and he cursed the both of them under his breath. Stupid kid, why did he have to look like that? All big eyes, long hair and muscles.

It damn well pissed him off.

Before too long Ryan was leading Cai into his office, shaking his head in distaste at his own bitter thoughts. He slammed the door behind him, and as he turned to face Cai his breath hitched in his throat. Ryan noticed the wonder in the kid’s eyes as they scanned over all of his personal belongings as if he were glancing into Ryan’s mind. 

The shelves were stacked neatly with books, all ordered alphabetically, and the decorations consisted of nothing but a couple of black and white posters. The one that Cai’s eyes were drawn to first was a poster of the band that sang Ryan’s favourite song. The Ink Spots, they were called. When Cai had first heard that Ryan had a favourite song he’d taken the liberty of shoplifting their album from the local music shop, listening to Ryan’s song on repeat for months. To this day he would still listen to it whenever he was feeling down, and the remedying melody of the guitar would send him into a state of unrivalled relaxation.

Ryan was sick of looking at Cai’s dumb, curious face. He hadn’t invited the kid up here for a fucking tour, and the fact that he was staring at his posters made anxious embarrassment bubble up in his chest, the bubbles drifting upward and popping against his skin until his face was red.

“Tch,” the professor huffed in exasperation. Cai was prying too far, and Ryan didn’t need the boy getting any more tangled up in his personal life than he already was. His student seemed to know too much about him already, and that fact made Ryan want to kick the bloody brat right in the shin.

Suddenly, and with a great majority of his might, Ryan pushed Cai against the office wall. Cai gulped as Ryan grasped at his arms, pinning them at either side of his heaving chest. The professor was much shorter than Cai, and much weaker, but somehow he still managed to force an intimidating scowl. Much to Ryan’s dismay however, it didn’t have it’s desired effect, and Cai could feel himself practically swooning over the man’s harsh actions toward him. Ryan was so close to him, and if he were just a little taller, their faces would be mere inches apart.

“Listen up brat,” Ryan hissed, glaring at Cai like a lioness, determination radiating from him in sizzling, hot waves. The waves dissipated into steam when they hit Cai’s skin, and as he breathed it in he felt high. “I’m only going to say this once.”

Cai swallowed the urge that told him to reverse the hold, to take Ryan’s delicate wrists into his hands and pin him beneath him where he belonged. Instead he settled for gazing down at Ryan with adoration in his eyes.

“What happened last night is never going to happen again, do you understand?”

Cai was dazed, wrists beginning to ache slightly as they were pressed firmly against the hard wall. What was Ryan talking about? The naive little cutie, of course it was going to happen again. It was going to happen again and again, and the next time they would go further, and in time further still, until their bodies were united as one. The thoughts rushed through his mind in a stampede, but he stayed silent.

“There’ll be no more of this ‘I love you’ bullshit!” He spat, eyes half-hidden by hooded lids. “I’m your professor, you’re my student. Nothing more.”

Cai couldn’t stop the devilish smirk that spread across his face. “You may say that, Ryan,” Cai said, glaring down at Ryan’s body, leaning against his own comfortably without the shadow of a thought. “But your actions speak for themselves.”

Shit!

Ryan took a step back. Without even realising it, his body had been pressed up against the boy as he pinned him to the wall. Why must his body always betray him like this? It was as if his brain was completely disconnected from everything else, and every disconnected piece of himself wanted to slam itself against Cai and take in as much of him as he possibly could.

My god, Cai was oddly intoxicating, and Ryan HATED it.

“Fuck you,” he spat, ragging at the boy’s arms a little, pressing him harder against the wall until he was sure that he was hurting him. “Do you know what would happen if anybody found out about this? Huh? I would lose my job!”

Cai winced when he saw Ryan’s eyes soften at the mention of losing his job. A sadness dwelled within them, and Cai felt as if his heart had stopped. 

“I would never tell anybody...” Cai was speaking the absolute truth, but Ryan cut him off.

“No, you won’t be telling anybody!” Ryan let his rage seep out into his expression again as he stared Cai down, pupils erupting with hellish flames. “Because there will be nothing to tell! I won’t lose my job because of one stupid mistake.”

“What?” Cai could feel his face prickling with uncomfortable heat. “Mistake? Mistake!” He pushed Ryan’s hands off him, grasping at his slender wrists and gazing into his teal eyes. Ryan didn’t know what he was saying. He was blind to his own feelings, Cai knew it, but that didn’t make his words hurt any less when they branded his skin. “Ryan, don’t you get it yet? We’re meant to be together. You’re gonna love me, can’t you feel that?”

“Love you? Ha! I don’t even like you.”

“Well,” Cai huffed, another demonic smirk finding its annoying way onto his handsome face. “It certainly seemed like you liked me last night. It seemed like you liked me a whole lot.”

Ryan almost choked on his own saliva. That little brat! That fucking asshole! Did he really just...? “Don’t you dare!”

Cai lowered his head just enough for strands of dark hair to fall from his loose bun. They hung over his golden eyes, somehow making the honeyed orbs even more alluring than they had been before. “You’re attracted to me, I know you are.” Cai’s voice was infuriatingly wicked, ungodly enough for Ryan to feel like he needed to clean his ears after enduring the seduction in his low tone.

“Piss off kid, I’m hardly going to throw away my pride and dignity, along with my career, just because you have sculpted cheekbones and a toned body!” Ryan stood his ground through Cai’s reprehensible teasing, becoming uncomfortably aware of the feeling of his pulse in his wrists as Cai held them in place.

“It’s more than that, Ryan. Just admit it to yourself... admit it to me.”

“There’s nothing more, Mordecai! Get over yourself!”

Cai couldn’t listen to any more of Ryan’s mistruths. He squeezed at the man’s wrists gently, dragging Ryan closer and lowering his head further so the two were at eye level. For a moment, all that they could do was glare at each other, panting a little from their earlier frustrations.

“You know what, Ryan.” Cai grinned, loosening his grasp on Ryan’s wrists; it was enough for Ryan to wriggle free if he wanted to, but he didn’t. “If all there is right now is an attraction, then at least that’s something to work with.”

“I told you, I...”

“If I can’t make you love me right now, then I’m gonna make you want me.”

Ryan’s breath hitched in his windpipe, suffocating the words that tried to escape him. There was that look on Cai’s face again, the same innocently seductive gaze that he gave to Ryan in the moonlight the night before, that same gaze that made him lust for the boy until their tongues were in each other’s mouths, and Cai was thrusting against him like a monster.

“You won’t be able to resist me for long, Ryan.” Cai purred, letting go of one of Ryan’s wrists, moving his hand up to tangle long fingers in his thick, blonde hair. “I promise that when you finally cave in, i’ll make it worth your while.”

“C-Cai...” It was unlike the professor to be so easily swayed with words alone. His head was relaxing into Cai’s hand, his lips slightly parted, and he could see Cai’s face moving toward his own at an alarming rate.

“Give in, Ryan.”

Ryan considered it, momentarily.

It would be so easy, all he had to do was stand there, and he could taste Cai’s sweet lips once again. It was unfair for one person to be so damn sexy, and now he was actually making an effort to turn him on. How was he supposed to resist that if he didn’t stop? How was it possible when he was so attracted to him? All of a sudden Ryan’s heart began palpitate like a drum, his head began to spin like a carousel.

“No,” he managed to murmur through pursed lips. To his surprise, Cai stopped. “No, get off me. Get out of here.”

The fire in his gut began to re-ignite itself, along with his determination. He would NOT risk his career for a fleeting moment of pleasure, no matter how much his body seemed to tell him that he wanted it.

“Do you mean that?” Cai asked him, raising an eyebrow and gazing at Ryan with the hypnotic, golden eyes of a temptress.

“Yes,” it took Ryan all of his strength to say it, but he did. “Yes, I mean it. Now get the fuck out of my office.”

Just like that, Cai’s hand was out of Ryan’s hair, his other hand released Ryan's wrist. The professor despised the fact that his body craved the boy’s warmth again, feeling a little empty without his touch.

“As you wish, professor.” Cai grinned as he turned to leave the room, feeling proud that he’d made his love look so flustered and lost. “But don’t think that I’m done with you.”  
“Piss off,” Ryan spat with venom.

“See you in class, professor.”

 

 

Just as expected, class had been an absolute nightmare.

Not only did Cai already speak Spanish like a pro, rendering his participation in the class pointless,’ but the brat had put up his stupid hand for assistance at every possible availability, meaning that Ryan had to lean over by his side, close enough to smell his cologne and the alluring scent of his hair.

It was utterly exhausting, and by the time that class was over Ryan felt like he needed a good, stiff drink to calm his nerves.

The students filtered out of the classroom one by one after the two hours were up, even Cai left without incident (although not without a sinful wink as he exited). The professor sighed, exhaling pent up air, relaxing muscles that he didn’t even know were tense. His hands worked on autopilot to pack away his books and notes into his briefcase, and his eyes would continuously flick back to the clock. There was a staff meeting in half an hour, and although he had plenty of time to spare, Ryan didn’t want to be late. Apparently, this meeting was an important one for the department.

Professor Westbrook passed the remaining minutes by sipping on a black coffee from a nearby vending machine, pacing back and forth, deep in thought. It was almost impossible to push the memories of the morning out of his head, and each time that he thought about how Cai’s strong hands felt around his wrists he sunk a little further into disappointment in himself.

Cai must’ve been taking a toll on Ryan’s sanity, because the more he thought, the more he asked himself if it was really so wrong to react the way that he did. He was only human after all...

“Hey there, Westy!”

The cheerful voice interrupted his train of thought, and Ryan turned to see Tyler walking towards him, briefcase in arm. He was wrapped up in a knitted, black jumper and a pair of sweatpants. It was much more casual than his regular work attire.

He came to join Ryan, standing by his side and yawning so loudly that Ryan’s body physically jolted in surprise. “Can you believe that they have us in on our day off?” The upbeat tone of his voice made it difficult for Ryan to believe that it really bothered him all that much.

The shorter man grumbled something under his breath that Tyler didn’t quite hear, folding his arms across his chest as he spoke. “This isn’t my day off,” Ryan told him blankly. “I teach Spanish class today, remember?”

Tyler let out a forced chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly with his palm and averting his gaze from Ryan’s steely eyes. “Oh, of course. My bad!”

“Tch,” Ryan huffed under his breath. As annoying as Tyler’s freaky state of constant happiness could be, at least it was a damn good distraction from everything on his mind. “Shall we go into the meeting now? I don’t think they’ll mind if we’re early.”

“Sure buddy, let’s go!”

 

“Oh Cai,” Amelia gazed at the boy with a genuine smile as they stood outside the lecture room door, waiting for their first class of the day. “You seem so happy today, it’s lovely to see you like this.”

Cai flashed her a dazzling smile, not noticing how it melted her posture. “Of course I’m happy, why wouldn’t I be?”

It was true, after the events of the past two days there was nothing that could dampen Cai’s soaring spirits, not even professor Banks’s boring, boring class. He was still coming down from the high of the kiss, from the way that Ryan had almost failed to control himself in his office the day before. Today was a new day, and who knew what today would bring.

“Oh, I think it’s time to go in,” Amelia said as the classroom door opened; she waited for Cai to begin walking so she could follow at his heels like a well trained puppy.

Today was going to be another good day, Cai could just feel it. He wasn’t sure why, until...

“Huh?” He almost stopped in his tracks when he turned the corner, shoes scuffling against the ground as his eyes shot to the front of the classroom. Professor Banks was by the whiteboard, as always, but by his side was Ryan.

That was different, but not at all unappreciated.

He looked practically angelic. His tight shirt was blue like a summer sky, and instead of his usual fitted trousers, he wore navy jeans. It was a look that Cai hadn’t seen on him before, and he thought that it made the professor look utterly breathtaking. It took a moment for Cai to remember how to walk again after taking in Ryan’s beauty, but once he had composed himself, he took his usual seat near the front of the class. Amelia dropped down next to him, scooting her chair over a little closer to his.

Cai’s eager eyes studied every inch of his love as he waited patiently for class to begin. He looked flawless, as always, but something seemed a little different about him today. He seemed a bit agitated, somewhat restless. His eyes were fixed on his feet, his arms folded across his body tightly. He was chewing nervously on his bottom lip too. It was strange, Cai thought; Ryan didn’t seem like his usual, confident, in-control self.

“Ok class, simmer down please!” Tyler raised his voice, earning himself the attention and silence of the class. Ryan looked as if he had jumped at Tyler’s tone, and he shuffled uncomfortably, leaning back against the desk.

What was with him today?

“We just have a quick announcement to make before we start today. That’s why we have Professor Westbrook for a few minutes.”

An announcement? Cai could feel his gut churning a little, he could hear it too. Was this why Ryan looked so uncomfortable today?

“Ok professor,” Tyler said, looking over at Ryan, breaking him out of his anxious trance. Cai could see Ryan’s adam’s apple bob as he gulped, readying himself to speak to the class.

“Right,” Ryan raised his head, standing straight and narrowing his eyes as he addressed the students. Cai sighed in awe, there he was, the authoritative man that he loved so much. “I’ll make this quick because I don’t want to cut into too much of Professor Banks’s time with you.”

Cai could feel a grin tugging on the corner of his lips. He could happily sit and listen to Ryan speak all day.

“We were informed in a staff meeting yesterday that there’s going to be a linguistics conference, held at the prestigious King’s Whitby University in one week.” A few of the students began to chatter, but one glare from the professor silenced them in seconds. “I know this is a little last minute, but the university that was meant to be representing our county has pulled out, and Storsettcaste has been chosen in its place.”

Cai’s eyes widened. A conference, at King’s Whitby, with Ryan. He HAD to go, by whatever means necessary!

“Professor Banks and I get to choose one first year student each to bring along with us, one to discuss syntax, and one who will focus on phonetic subjects. Bear in mind that this trip will be all expenses paid, including flights, and it’s a great opportunity to meet some of the best linguists the UK has to offer.”

This was perfect, just perfect! Ryan had to choose him!

“So to make this fair, we’ll be holding a small, closed exam in place of tomorrow’s first lecture. The highest scoring students in each section of the exam will be invited to come along with us to the conference.” By now, Ryan was staring directly at Cai, locking eyes with the dewy eyed boy in a knowing fashion, and all of a sudden, Cai understood the man’s earlier discomfort.

Cai knew more about syntax than every other student in the entire class, he was bound to win himself that place on the conference trip! That meant he would be on a trip across the country, with Ryan! A chance to get to know him even better, to spend more time with him on an intimate level. Ryan must’ve been terrified by the thought of it. There was no way that he could restrain himself around Cai like that for such a period of time, one on one.

“I know that it’s very short notice, but this is the fairest way to deal with the situation.” Ryan said, breaking himself away from Cai’s stare, glancing back toward Tyler, who looked so excited that he could barely contain himself.

“We’re both so pumped!” Tyler chimed, “and we hope that you all are too!”

“But don’t get too excited,” Ryan interrupted, once again looking directly at Cai. “You have to come top of the class in the exam first, and I’ll be marking them myself.” He let a devilish grin fall onto his face, and Cai could feel his face prickling with heat. “Harshly.”

 

 

Cai was jubilant in his studying that night. He knew that he was going to ace that test, and he knew that he would be the one to join Ryan on the trip to King’s Whitby. Sure Professor Banks would be there too, and some other lucky kid, but they didn’t matter in the slightest. As confident as he was in his assumptions however, he knew that he should study anyway. Ryan was going to be marking the tests himself, and with the way that he was resisting Cai’s advances as of recent, he knew that he would find any excuse to mark him down if he had the chance.  
Cai could not give him that chance. He had to be absolutely perfect.

He was just finishing up one of the last nodes of a complex syntax tree when he saw his phone light up beside him, a message flashing across his screen. He glanced over at it in curiosity, and saw that it was from Amelia.

Amelia: Hey Cai :) Hope ur studying is going well. Dnt listen 2 the rumours going round about Patricia Parker. I’m sure you’ll get on that trip by pure skill! I believe in you <3

Cai gazed at the message in confusion, what the hell did she mean?

Cai <3: What rumours?

He began tapping his pencil against the hard wood of his desk. What was she going on about now?

Amelia: Oh sorry I thought ud heard! People have been saying that her super rich parents are trying to pay her onto the trip to discuss syntax. I know ur top of the class in that department, and didn’t want u to worry :(

Patricia Parker? Cai scratched his head with the sharp graphite of his pencil, and leant forward in his chair, reading and re-reading the message on his phone. Her parents were going to PAY her onto the trip? Surely that wouldn’t be allowed, right? His jittering mind was suddenly distracted by his phone flashing once again.

Amelia: Sorry I guess I’ve made u more nervous by telling u, huh? <3 :(

“Tch,” Cai scowled, picking up the phone and tapping away at the keys with his thumbs at lightning speed.

Cai <3: No don’t worry Amelia, I’m fine. Thank you for telling me.

He hesitated for a moment before adding ... :)

Fuck. This couldn’t be happening, right? The faculty couldn’t just let some rich kid pay their way onto HIS trip! He slumped back into his chair, clasping both hands over his face as he tried to steady his racing mind. No, there was no way that Ryan would be ok with that kind of shady deal. But what if... what if Ryan had no choice in the matter? What if he was powerless to make the decision for himself, and all of the power went to the money-hungry higher ups?

No, no, no, no, no!

This could NOT be happening! Cai could feel every thought racing through his mind at a thousand miles per hour. His mind scanning and testing every possibility robotically, running diagnostics, trying to find a solution.

His phone flashed again, breaking the seemingly endless cycle of worry.

Amelia: Ok i’m glad to hear it, study hard Cai! U deserve this more than anybody! <3

“You deserve this...” Cai read aloud, his voice echoing through the otherwise silent room. Amelia was right, he did deserve this. What the fuck was he moping around for? Of course he was going on that trip with Ryan! One way or another, he was getting on that damn plane with his love and jetting off to that conference. No amount of rich parents or snobby, spoiled kids could stop his determination.

“Ryan,” he grinned, gazing up at the ceiling, brow furrowed, fire in his eyes. “I’m going to get a perfect score on your little test. I can’t wait to see you at King’s Whitby.”

All he had to do was get back to studying. No more slacking, no breaks.

He was going to that conference whether ‘Patricia whatever-her-name-is’ liked it or not. If she tried to kick up a fuss, he would deal with her in his own damn way. She’d regret making trouble for him.

 

 

It was loud, much too loud. Every scratch of shoes against the carpet, every tap of fingernails against the wall, every mumbled word spoken in the distance all merged together to make a sound too complex for comfort. Cai could feel the hot burn of frustration rising in his gut. He clenched his fists, fingernails digging into the skin on his palm as he tried desperately to ignore the people around him and clear his mind.

Today’s test was important, and Cai knew that he had to achieve nothing less than a perfect score if he hoped to stand a chance at getting a place on the trip to King’s Whitby. He couldn’t stand the thought of another student sat by Ryan on the plane, stood by his side at the conference, stealing HIS memories with his love!

“Cai, how are you feeling?” He could hear Amelia’s familiar voice behind him, and he turned to see her beaming blue eyes. It looked as if she had put effort into her appearance again today. Her dainty figure sported a tight, black dress, decorated with a sparkling, silver necklace. Her long, blonde hair was tied into a decorative bun on the top of her head, and her lips were graced with a shimmering, hot-pink gloss.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” he shrugged, giving the girl a forced, lopsided smile. “A little worried about that Patricia girl I guess,” he admitted, letting his gaze drift to the floor. “I’m sure that professor Westbrook would never pick a student to take on the trip based on money, but damn, I really want to go.” More than anything he wanted to gain the place without incident, he really didn’t want to have to threaten that dumb, rich girl or anything.

Amelia’s shoulders slumped, and her hand reached out to grasp Cai’s. “You’ll get a place on that trip, Cai,” she reassured him. “If you don’t then the department will be hearing from me, and believe me they will listen to me. I can be really annoying when I need to be.”

Cai snorted, he was well aware.

“Thanks, Amelia.”

 

The hour of the test flew by, and Cai spent the last fifteen minutes with his arms folded across his chest, and his eyes on Ryan. The professor sat at the front of the lecture room, his hand holding a fountain pen, gliding gracefully across paper. His note taking made for some brilliant distraction from the boredom of finishing his test with so much time to spare, and by the time that the bell rang and the students put down their pens, Cai was trying to snap himself out of an awe filled trance.

“You finished so quickly!” Amelia groaned as she followed Cai out of the classroom. “I swear you make me feel so stupid sometimes.”

Cai turned to her with one eyebrow raised as the two paced the bustling corridor. “You’re plenty smart,” he told her, causing her round cheeks to flush crimson. She giggled nervously, and the two had almost made it to the door before they heard a voice that stopped them in their tracks.

“I wouldn’t worry about your grade,” the monotone, female voice said to the girl by her side. “You won’t get a place on the conference trip anyway, my father is going to pay the university to make professor Westbrook take me, and the department have accepted his offer.”

Was this…Patricia?

Cai sourced out the voice, finding that it belonged to a ginger haired girl, with a strong nose, a thinker figure, and grey, focused eyes.

“Climb down out of your own ass, Parker,” her friend spat back. “There’s still a space left with professor Banks.”

“Whatever,” Patricia huffed. “You’d have to be top of the class to gain yourself that spot.”

Cai watched the girl walk away with a spring in her step, and her head held high. In that moment, Cai could swear that he’d never hated anybody as much as he did right now. Was this what the linguistics department really thought of his skill? He was the top of their first year class, and yet he could be pushed aside for money so easily? There was no way that Ryan had agreed to bring that arrogant, spoiled brat right?

“You ok?” Amelia murmured from by his side. He’d almost forgotten that she was there, he really had to stop doing that. All of a sudden the girl looked angry, it was strange really, Cai hadn’t seen her look that way before. “I swear if what she said was true I’ll be having words with my... I mean... the head of department!”

“Yeah don’t worry,” he faked a smile. “There’s still another spot left on the trip.”

There was no point in telling Amelia what he really felt. She was too sweet, she’d just tell him some sweet nothings to try and make him feel better, and that was the last thing that he needed right now. It was true that there was another place left on the trip, but it was with Tyler, not Ryan.

Cai could feel his heart sinking. He guessed, this was it then. If the department had accepted Patricia’s father’s offer, then it was all over for him. There was nothing that Ryan could do now, it was out of his hands.

This couldn’t be the end… there had to be something he could do.

 

 

Since the trip was such a last minute affair the results from the test were out and ready to be revealed by the end of the day. Ryan’s classroom filled up with eager students as the sky outside began to darken, and Cai couldn’t stop himself from twiddling his thumbs under the desk nervously.

Now that he’d heard that Patricia Parker was taking his much deserved spot on the trip, the next best thing that he could hope for was a place with professor Banks. It wasn’t what he wanted, but at least he would still have an opportunity to spend some quality time with his love in his free time. He would have to spend the conference with Tyler, and watch as Patricia rich-bitch spent the entire day with HIS Ryan, but damn, if that was all that he could get, he would take it.

All he needed was a place on the trip. He could manipulate the situation to suit him once he got to it. 

“I know it’s the end of the day, so I won’t keep you for too long,” Tyler smiled up at the students. “The tests have been marked, and we have chosen two students to bring along with us.”

Cai held his breath. If Tyler didn’t read out his name, he thought that he might just die. His heart was pounding against his rib cage, threatening to break through.

“The student that I’ll be bringing along to represent phonetics will be…”

Come on, Cai thought. Say. My. Name.

“Patricia Parker.”

Wait what…?

Tyler was taking Patricia, not Ryan? That meant that…

“And our syntax representative will be Mordecai Rin.” Cai’s name left Ryan’s lips, and for a moment the world around him stopped. He didn’t notice the disappointed sighs of the students, or the genuine cheer from Amelia by his side. He didn’t even notice the look of utter confusion on Patricia Parker’s face, nor would he have cared if he saw. In this moment, all he could think about was the web of opportunity that had been cast out before him. Piece by piece, the net of reality began to knit itself together, and the fact began to sink in. Cai was going to King’s Whitby, with Ryan.

After a few more words from Tyler, the students began to filter out of the classroom. Cai was glued to his seat, still processing the situation in which he found himself. Soon enough, the room was empty, everyone gone but him and his love.

Ryan gazed at Cai with fierce eyes, and an honest to goodness smirk on his face. Cai felt as if he couldn’t breathe.

“I assume you’re pleased,” he stated, pacing over to Cai’s desk slowly, a swing in his step as if he knew what his movements would do the boys mind. Cai was not expecting Ryan to seem so calm about the situation, wasn’t he worried about spending time alone together? He wasn’t sure what it was, but something seemed to have changed his outlook entirely.

“I … I’m… yes.”

“Well good, I needed the best of the best by my side on this trip kid, you hear me?” He reached Cai’s desk, slamming both hands down onto it and locking his eyes with the golden orbs. “You won’t disappoint me now, will you?”

Cai’s breath hitched in his throat. Ryan towered over him when he was sitting, his blonde hair falling forwards, his perfect body leaning in enough for him to smell the cologne. Fuck, he was gorgeous. It took such restraint for Cai to let him just stand there, those thin lips looking so lonely and starved of attention.

“I’ll never disappoint you.” Cai told him, gazing up at his love with awe. “But I heard that you were supposed to be taking Patricia Parker, didn’t her father pay?”

Suddenly Ryan’s expression turned sour. “Tch,” he scowled, curling his top lip to reveal his pearly, white teeth. “Who does that brat think she is?” He spewed his words like venom. “Thinking she can just pay her way onto an opportunity like this. The department may have accepted it, but that doesn’t mean I have to.”

“So you refused her… so I could come instead?”

“Don’t take it so personal kid,” Ryan grinned, looking over at Cai with a sense of hidden respect in his eyes. “After all that’s happened it would’ve been much easier to take the rich brat, but god damn it Cai you didn’t drop a single mark in that test. You deserve this more than anybody.”

All of a sudden Ryan’s change in attitude made perfect sense. He valued skill, hard work, determination over anything else, and Cai represented all three. No matter how freaked out Ryan was about being alone with Cai, it could never measure up to how pissed off he was to be bribed by some rich bastard.

“Ryan…”

“I don’t care about your personal feelings, I’m your teacher, and I care about your future, ok?” It was humbling, to see such genuine passion in Ryan’s face when he talked about Cai’s future in this way. If only he could accept that it wasn’t just his future alone, but theirs together.

That would have to wait.

“Like I’d ever let money trump pure skill and dedication,” the professor huffed. “They must think I’m some kind of joke. If Tyler hadn’t stepped in and agreed to take her himself then who knows what would’ve happened to me.”

“You would’ve risked your job?” Cai asked, raising an eyebrow suspiciously.

“Well… no,” he admitted, “if it meant I’d lose my job I’d have to take her, but I would’ve damn well fought not to with everything I had.”

Cai sighed, he could feel his heart brimming with admiration. He loved this man so much, everything about him. He didn’t live by some dumb, unrealistic set of morals, but he was just, and fair, and he fought for what he believed in. The department obviously didn’t know just how much of a firecracker Ryan was when they hired him, the idiots. You can’t bribe a man like that, he’ll do what he damn well pleases for as long as he can.

“Let’s show ‘em professor” Cai grinned devilishly, honoured to be a part of Ryan’s fight against the system. “We’ll blow them away at this conference.”

“That’s what I like to hear,” the smile returned to the older man’s face. “You’re the best at what you do Cai, remember that.”

“I will professor, I promise that I’ll make this your best trip ever.”

Ryan hesitated for a moment. “Mordecai,” he told him, his tone firm and commanding. “Let’s put the past behind us ok? No more funny business.”

Cai could feel his face getting warmer, “sure thing, Ryan…”

Funny business? Was that what he called it now? He guessed if that made him feel better then it wasn’t all that bad, but Ryan had another thing coming if he thought that Cai would pass up a perfect opportunity for romance like this. He was a fool if he believed that he could resist Cai’s perfect charms for much longer.

In less than a weeks time the two would be jetting off to King’s Whitby together, and Cai knew that he was going to blow Ryan away at the linguistic conference.

If he was lucky, that wouldn’t be the only blowing that he would do there.

He couldn’t wait.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little bit of a shorter chapter but I think that's probably for the best :')

Today was the big day. 

Cai had barely slept, prioritising finding the perfect balance between comfort and style for his airport attire instead; by the time that he arrived at the airport at four in the morning his body was feeling the strain. It seemed as if Ryan had the same idea, arriving with eye bags bigger than his hand luggage, but an outfit as sharp as his wit. The two gave each other a knowing glance as they made their way through customs; being prodded and poked by various security guards whilst in a state of exhaustion was hardly either of their idea of fun.

The four wandered around the airport together for an hour or so before they were ready to board their flight. Tyler and Patricia opted for getting fast food, Cai spent at least half an hour testing expensive colognes in the off licence, and for a short while Ryan disappeared. Even in his tired state, Cai’s eyes had followed Ryan around the airport, keeping tabs on what he was doing. A moment of distraction in the form of a particularly satisfyingly scented aftershave however had caused him to lose sight of his love, and soon enough he was wandering the terminal in search of that tousled, blonde hair.

It wasn’t long before Cai had spotted him, nestled amongst a cluster of people and tables, glass of white wine in hand. He felt his heart flutter at the sight of him, the lights in the room cast a beam off his shining glass that rested on his jawline like an angelic haze. Even sleep deprived and day-drinking, Ryan was the epitome of perfection.

“Professor,” Cai greeted him with a raised eyebrow, taking the seat across from him. The sentiment alone made excitement build in his chest. Sat across from Ryan like this almost made it feel as if it were a date. Ryan stared back, expressionless. “Drinking already? It’s half past five in the morning.”

“I’m well aware of the time, moron.” He snapped back, lifting the glass up to his lips for a long, drawn out gulp. He didn’t break eye contact with Cai until he’d set the glass back down on the table with a metallic clink. The extended eye contact had Cai’s head swimming. How could a man make early morning alcoholism look so sexy?

“I didn’t mean to judge,” Cai protested, leaning back in his chair and flashing his love a dazzling smile. “I might just join you once we’re on the plane.”

Cai could tell that the professor was about to reply with a sarcastic remark, as he so often did, but his train of thought was interrupted by a voice over the tannoy. ‘Could passengers for the 229 flight to King’s Whitby, please make their way to gate number three.’

“Well I guess it’s time to…” Cai stumbled over his words as he saw Ryan downing at the rest of his large glass of wine in a couple of swift gulps. “Umm… never mind I guess.”

It was strange, but even through Ryan’s rugged sexiness, his elegant poise, Cai couldn’t quite shake the feeling that something was wrong. There was a certain sparkle in Ryan’s eye that was missing today. Perhaps it was due to the tiredness, or maybe it was simply the fact that he was bored waiting for the plane. No… it wasn’t either of those things, but for the life of him Cai could not work out what was missing. All he knew was that he wanted it back, right now.

The four boarded the plane without incident, taking their seats in a row of four. Ryan was silent as he took the seat by the window, and Cai snaked in behind him, perching by his side on the next seat. Perfect! He had managed to secure the seat right by Ryan’s side. It was like a dream, being able to soar through the clouds by his love’s side. To his annoyance however Patricia sat beside him, pungent with the scent of floral perfume and fast food. Cai huffed in protest, crossing his arms and turning back to face Ryan. 

Cai was surprised to find that his love was biting on his fingernails, clicking the sharp nails between his teeth harshly.

That was odd. Cai was sure that he’d never seen Ryan bite his fingernails before. Something was definitely wrong with him today, his mannerisms were a little out of character.

Tyler chattered through the majority of the cabin crew’s safety speech about how excited he was to see King’s Whitby Tower and the famous white sand beaches, and honestly, both Cai and Patricia appreciated his rambling. He somehow managed to make the long wait until takeoff a little more entertaining, but still, Ryan stayed silent.

The professor’s ranting was interrupted by the cheerful voice of the pilot preparing the passengers for takeoff, and before long, the lights in the cabin were out, and all that could be seen was the illuminating lights on the runway. Cai could feel his heart begin to pound, and adrenaline began to bubble up in his gut. This was it, the moment that he’d been gushing about for a week. His first trip abroad with his love, a chance to create memories that would last a lifetime. If only Ryan could gaze into the future, if only he knew that this was the beginning of a romance so pure and perfect that it would last a thousand lifetimes. 

He gazed over to his side, hoping to catch Ryan’s eye as the plane began to build momentum, but when he saw the man’s face his heart dropped to his stomach.

Ryan’s eyes were wide, fear etched onto every perfect feature of his face as the plane began to speed, gaining altitude, ascending to the heavens. Something was wrong, something was very wrong! What was it? Was Ryan sick? Oh god, was he dying? Then all of a sudden, the lightbulb over Cai’s head sparked. All of the strange behaviour, the drinking, the silence, that missing sparkle in his eye, it all made sense now.

Ryan was afraid of flying.

The building terror began to dissipate, and relief with a flavour of adoration took it's place. How sweet! Yet another fact that Cai had now learned about Ryan. Just another one of the many fragments of Ryan's personality that Cai had under his belt. Knowing this meant that Cai could become ever closer to Ryan, could calm him at his most vulnerable. He knew that he had to keep a close eye on Ryan throughout the duration of the flight.

The plane finally reached its intended altitude, and the red lights flashed above their heads to indicate that they no longer needed their seat-belts. The stewards paced along the aisle with their trolley full of food and drinks. By now Tyler was lying back in his chair, eye mask over his face to block out the bright lights. He must’ve been exhausted because he was snoring softly already. 

Patricia had two earphones tucked into her ears, glaring at her phone screen, distracted from the world.

From his side, Cai could hear Ryan’s heavy breathing. It was slow, rhythmic, as if he were breathing in unison with a voice in his head. Cai had heard that breathing from Ryan before, the night that he had found Ryan on the floor in the beer cellar, just before the two had kissed. His posture was noticeably rigid, and his eyes would go from wide open, to screwed shut. Cai could practically feel the anxiety radiating from Ryan, and when the steward came by with the trolley, he did what he could to help.

“I’ll take a bottle of white wine please.”

Ryan glanced over at Cai as he took the wine from the kind steward and turned to face him.

“Dutch courage?” Cai smiled, handing the bottle over to Ryan, who grimaced in return.

“What?”

“Oh sorry, my father told me that having a drink can help with nerves, I thought maybe you could use a little more.”

Ryan tutted, narrowing his eyes at the kid as he hissed under his breath. “Nerves? What makes you think that I’m nervous?”

Cai looked behind him, Patricia was still heavily distracted, Tyler was still asleep. There wasn't a chance that the two could be heard, especially over the increasing volume of Tyler's snoring.

“Come on professor,” Cai spoke more quietly, looking directly into Ryan's eyes as if urging the man to trust him. “It’s just the two of us, I won’t tell anyone.”

“I…” Ryan could feel his cheeks redden, and he quickly turned away to avoid Cai’s line of vision. The brat! How could he possibly know? Surely he hadn’t been too obvious about his discomfort. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Right…” Cai decided not to pry. If Ryan wanted to try and hide his fear that was his business, for now. “Well would you like to share this wine with me anyway?”

The professor hesitated, turning to meet Cai’s gleaming, golden gaze. “Ok then, if you’re offering.”

 

As quickly as his anxiety had set in, it began to fade. Ryan spent the next half an hour chatting to Cai about the conference, Patricia slowly fell asleep, resting her head on Tyler’s unconscious shoulder and purring like a sleeping cat. Cai could feel the happiness bubbling in his chest as the two spoke, comfortable and carefree and as Ryan got more and more drunk, his posture began to soften, and soon he was slouched comfortably in his seat, grinning wholeheartedly as he chatted to Cai about his subject.

It was truly admirable, Ryan’s passion about his work. It wasn't long before Cai could see that missing spark in his eyes once again, and the return of that sparkle made Cai fall in love with Linguistics more deeply than he ever had before.

He could feel the butterflies in his stomach fluttering violently, battering his insides, and couldn’t possibly hold back the loving smile that spread across his face when he saw Ryan relax a little in his presence. It may have been the alcohol, it may have been the distraction of the conversations; but Cai knew that the real reason, was him. How could Ryan not have been comforted in the presence of the man who truly loved him? Cai would never let anything happen to Ryan, and it would have been impossible for the professor not to feel the weight of Cai’s protection over him.

It was all going so well, so perfectly, then all of a sudden…

The lights in the cabin flickered, and the passengers all felt a sharp jolt as the plane hit turbulence. With the shaking of the plane Ryan lost all of the progress in comfort that he had just gained. His eyes were once again wide with fear, and his heavy, anxious breathing almost overpowered the sound of the captain telling the passengers to put their seat-belts back on.

Cai could barely take it. Seeing his love like this, so terrified, so panicked, it was almost more than he could bear. Without a moment of consideration, his hand had shot into Ryan’s trembling fingers. Cai squeezed Ryan’s hand in his own, giving him his warmth, his love, his life with it. The lights flickered again as Ryan gazed at the boy in awe, almost crushing his hand as his heart beat faster than ever.

Cai didn’t take this moment lightly. He knew that in this moment, Ryan trusted him, relied on him, more than he ever had.

“Ryan,” Cai’s voice was low, comforting. He spoke to Ryan as if he was the only person in the world. “Don’t worry, I’m here, nothing bad is going to happen to you.”

Ryan winced at his words. He knew that taking comfort from Cai in particular was wrong, but the terror in his soul was taking over his rational mind, and more than anything he needed the warmth, the safety… the love.

He swallowed his anxieties, losing himself in Cai’s deep, calming voice.

“It’s just turbulence, Ryan. It’s all going to be ok.”

The warmth of Cai’s hand in his own felt so homely, but the shuddering of his very core was so fierce. As the plane tremored, Ryan found himself leaning further into the boy, taking in the scent of coconut from his hair, and the warmth of his youthful skin against his own. Somehow, without even trying, every anxiety melted away the closer that he got to Cai’s bright, golden eyes.

Ryan gasped audibly at a particularly strong shake, and all of a sudden the boys hand was cradling his face. His lips were whispering sweet comforts, his thumb slowly stroking the soft skin on the back of his hand. “I’d never let anything happen to you, Ryan.” He cooed, sensing the rapid heartbeat under the professors skin, “I’m here, everything will be ok.”

Ryan knew that once the fear had faded, this would feel wrong to him. Cai was his student, Cai was in love with him. However right now, Cai was the most perfect comfort blanket, he was everything that he needed, and Ryan let himself get caught up in the boys soothing words.

“Just breathe, lean right here.” Cai beckoned Ryan’s head into the crook of his neck, and suddenly Ryan realised that the mans body was trembling. His hands knotted in Ryan’s soft, blonde hair, and he could feel his hot breath on his collar bone as Ryan nuzzled into him.

“Mhm,” Ryan mumbled into Cai’s neck, his soft lips gracing the pale skin. Cai’s hand squeezed around Ryan’s instinctively, and he could feel his muscles flexing and tensing around his love’s slender body. He was so close, so close to Ryan. It was almost more than a boy like Cai could handle. The professor’s hand was warm in his own, his hair tickled the side of his neck, his hot breath rested on his skin. If Cai wasn’t so painfully aware of Ryan’s fear, he was sure that he would be fully aroused at the contact. He was being touched by Ryan once again, and every millimetre that the man pressed into him made him crave more of his body. Cai however seemed to have connected with his professor, and that included his discomfort and panic. His heart sped along with Ryan’s, his posture softened only when Ryan’s did, his eyes closed along with his love’s, and the two simply melted into the moment.

“Cai…”

Ryan whined into the crook of his neck as the plane jolted again, sending him burrowing further into Cai’s hard posture. He hated his anxiety, hated it! Ryan knew that if he thought rationally, he could convince himself that the plane wasn’t going to crash, that everything was going to be ok. That didn’t stop his irrational thoughts from scarring his mind though. That was just the nature of anxiety, of fear. He knew that his thoughts were silly, but he couldn’t control them, and he couldn’t stop them.

“Shhh…” Cai shushed him, stroking his hand through Ryan’s hair in a comforting rhythm.

Ryan only gasped in response, unsure about what Cai was doing to him, and utterly stunned by the fact that he wanted more.

He felt so dumb in this moment, so weak. He was normally poised, composed and put together, but right now he was a terrified mess. Ryan knew that he was a nervous wreck on flights, he always had been. If he could avoid flying he would at any cost, but this conference was a once in a lifetime opportunity! He'd prepared himself for the fear that he was going to feel, making sure that he’d had a drink, trying to distance himself from the others so they didn’t notice. He’d taken every precaution… so how?

How did the kid know? How was he able to pick up on his terror so easily. It was ridiculous! It was god damn embarrassing!

More than anything though, the question that worried Ryan to the point of sickness was: How was the boy able to comfort him in this way?

Why did the crook of Cai’s neck feel like such a safe haven? Why did his words sounds like the most comforting melody? Damn it, Ryan knew that a moment like this would cause problems when the flight was over, but right here, right now, Cai was everything that the man needed and more.

Despite the rational part of his brain begging him to pull away, to deal with his fear on his own, he just couldn’t.

He wouldn’t.

He would allow himself this one pleasure, because whether he Liked it or not, he needed it.

“Don’t worry Ryan,” Cai whispered into his ear, the sensation of his breath sending sparks up and down Ryan's spine. “I’m here, I’ll always be here.”

 

It wasn’t awkward when the plane finally began its descent, when Tyler and Patricia woke up and Ryan had to snatch his hand away from Cai’s and take his head off the boy’s shoulder. It wasn’t awkward when Ryan felt a sudden rush of panic as the plane’s wheels hit the runway with a heavy thump, and his hand instinctively grasped at Cai’s arm. It wasn’t even awkward when Ryan, still shaking from the anxiety and still drunk, tripped on his way off the plane and Cai caught him in his arms before he hit the ground.

It was fine, not awkward at all. That’s what he told himself.

The air in King's Whitby was bitter and icy, the temperature back home was much more forgiving, but right now Ryan didn't have the capacity to think about the weather. As the cold nipped at his skin, all he could think about was how warm Cai's body had been against his own. Each gust of bitter wind threatened to push Ryan back toward Cai, back toward his comfort. Looking at the guy, Ryan would never have guessed that he would be so satisfying to rest on. He was muscular, built like a god damn monster in comparison to Ryan's slender frame, but when Ryan was nestled on his shoulder, hand resting on his arm, he felt as if he were leaning against a fucking pillow. His voice was dreamy too, the kind of voice that could lead a guided mediation, or narrate one of those hypnotic AMSR tapes that lulled people to sleep. It was the perfect background noise, the perfect distraction to make Ryan feel... wait... 

Ryan almost jumped when he caught himself drifting into the memory, and he instinctively took a couple of steps away from Cai in response. He couldn't believe that he'd just been thinking about...

"Hey, watch it." 

Ryan turned to find a pissed off looking rich kid scowling at him, and it took him a moment to realise that he'd just walked straight into Patricia. 

"Ah, sorry." 

Fuck, stupid Cai. Ryan stepped back over, pretending not to notice the smile that spread across Cai's handsome face when he did so. 

 

The four of them jumped in a sleek, black taxi and made it to their hotel in about half an hour. Ryan made sure that he sat in the front seat to avoid any unnecessary contact with Cai, he knew that he couldn't handle it right now. If he felt that comforting warmth again so soon he knew that he couldn't promise himself that he'd stay away from it, so instead he gazed out of the window at the city sights as the car drove slowly, hitting traffic a couple of times.

King’s Whitby wasn’t all that interesting, it was just like any other city really. How disappointing.

The taxi pulled up at the hotel, and Ryan could feel his heart skip a beat when he saw the lavish building. It was huge, not only that but it looked fancy as hell! Twinkling lights were strewn decoratively over the arched doorway, and two men in tailcoats and top hats stood on the marble steps, waiting to greet any arriving guests.

“Get out of town,” Ryan muttered, still in awe of the sight in front of his eyes.

“Huh?” Tyler glanced over to him, “what’s up buddy?”

“There’s no way that Storsettcaste put us up in a place like this,” he said, a hint of suspicion in his tone. “So what gives?”

“Of course not,” Patricia butted in smugly. “My father rebooked for us, the hotel we were meant to be staying in was ghastly, it didn’t even have a spa!”

“A… spa…” Ryan didn’t care for the girl’s attitude, but after the ordeal of that anxiety inducing flight a spa sounded like exactly what he needed. The conference wasn’t until tomorrow, and he had half of the day left to relax. It wasn’t a difficult decision, he knew where he was spending the rest of his day as soon as he’d heard the word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments and kudos it's super nice of you all :) <3


End file.
